Silent Tears

My maid just left. Just JUST left.

I came home today and played frisbee with her in the garden. Our last game together. We had fun, mocking each other, bragging about our 'skills'. Pfft. SKILLS, kononnya. I was pretty sure i wouldnt cry. I dont know why, but i just felt, well...stronger? It was a good game. Later i took a nap and by the time i woke up, it was time for my piano class which i totally forgot about.

Dad came home and it was time for her to leave. I immediatly got up of the chair and hugged her. The inevitable came. I didnt want to cry, i tried to force my tears back, but my emotions got the best of me. Both our eyes watered as we took a long look at each others misty eyes. We went upstairs for i had something to give her and she went hugging my sisters. Tears fell onto my cheeks and later she went down. I dont know why, but i didnt want to follow. I couldnt. It was hard as it was. I just DIDNT want to see her leave. it was just too hard. Too painful.

I called out to her. 'Bye Nelci'. Like i always do everytime before i leave the house. Only it wasnt ME leaving. It was her. My voice was all shaky and i couldnt stand it. I sat down on the piano chair and continued playing. She didnt even bother to look back. I guess she couldnt bring herself to too. It was too hard. Too heartbreaking. She mumbled bye and left, putting her jacket in front of her face, tears streaming down her cheeks. I guess she was also desperately trying to stop. I played the piano, trying to focus and get the sadness out of me. tears kept flowing anyway. I played and cried.

Wonder what it looked like to my teacher. still crying now. STILL crying. Im gonna miss her so much. Hell, I miss her already. Partings were never easy. I don know why but im the only one crying. Guess i just grew too attached. im gonna miss her so. I dont wanna believe this is happening....

Just wanna stop crying. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.Stop.STop.Stop.Stop.StoP . Stop Stop. Stop.

Silent Tears.

I pray that she'll always be well.

Way Away

Yesterday during the sleepover, something overcame ALL of us. All of us meaning, Bren, sara, karen and I. Okay fine, maybe not so much of brenda as she didn't want to be involved...cuz she was surely going to turn out to be the victim anyway. With Karen as my team mate.

Butt Whacking Sensation.



OMG. No that sounds so...Ugh. Sensation!?!?! i mean, Butt Whacking Fits. wait. That doesnt suit it. Fits. FITS!?! Butt Whacking Episodes, then? no no...

BUTT WHACKING CRAZE


Yes thats it, thats what over came all of us, and also the little case of being obssesed with the camera, wanting to steal each others lime light, or at least get INTO the picture too. Random pics were taken and i bet we have 100+ of them now.

We attempted to make meringues and failed miserably 4 times. IT WAS THE OVENS FAULT! I SWEAR! you;ve just GOT TO believe me. I speak nothing but the truth!! Sara went into deep slumber at around 3 something, and brenda at 4 something which left karena dn I chatting away till 6 in the morning, till our painful, tired eyes got the best of us and made us cave in.

The sleepover so rocked. Wanna do it again sometime soon. Hanging out with my besties~~ something should be done more often.

A day at work

Dad asked me to help him in his office today. If given a choice, i would've said no- Sadly, i wasnt so fortunate.

There i was, riding in the car to work- sensing impending doom. I AM pretty psychic. SO anyway. just as i got down the car, i saw this really HOT guy in his mid twenties with his sporty, flashy RED car. He ran his RIGHT hand through his hair. looked like a GOD under the sun. I have no idea WHY, but he turned to wink at me and surprisingly i WASNT shocked. I smiled at him and glanced at dad. GOOD. he was still busy wearing his socks. I sprinted to the GOD-like guy and jumped into his car, literally, it wasnt hooded. It was like we were telephatic or something! he immediatly knew i wanted to get away and started driving off. A day of surprises and spontanousy <-- if there is even such a word. The sun was blazing down on my face and my pimples started to pop...one by one, resulting my face to be flawless. I know that sounds disgusting..POPING, but hey! flawless skin! i aint complaining. The day was prefect. I was IN a FLASHY SPORTS CAR, with a GOD-LIKE GUY and my face was flawless. Life couldnt get better.

Yea, yea, i exaggerated SO much that you ALL know that could not have possibly happened. Fine.

Truth is, i DID see this GOD-LIKE guy when i got downt he car, but he was some worker guy carrying a ladder. HEY! he DID look good, with the sweat and all. I WANTED to make a run for it, but i knew better than to do so. Besides, im a good kid, a good daughter, i WOULD help dad. he needed me. Sorting out the papers were annoying, and everytime i took a break to read the storybook i brought, my dad would NAAGG me to go on with the work. Later, i had to do FILING. Had to walk ALL THE WAY to the room DOWN the hallway to get the file, go back to the office and file the darn papers, then put the file back, GRAB ANOTHER file and continue filing. I have to admit, everytime i opened the door, i half expected a ghost to scare me. i was alone and i was scared. What do you expect?!?! The strange thing is, everytime after i enter the room, i suddenly have this longing to stay inside. It felt so homey, and hey! some store downstairs was playing eminem and linkin park really loud. Soon, that was the place i went to seek refuge from all that tough FILING.

stood there and danced on the spot. Thank God no one was there to see. i would completely DIE if anyone was there. Golly. In the end, i didnt finish with the filing, have another half to tend to. Dad wants me to go back there and finish with what i started on wed. I DONT WANNA!!!!! im gonna DIE i tell you. DIEEE!! Lord have mercy on my poor soul. Oh anyway, this woman working there, shes pretty nice, but there was this time when she went like ' the computer has GAMES, you can play them if you get tired.'

I bet she expected me to go all BUG EYED and teary eyed on her, kneeling down on her feet and maybe going all THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to her. Well geee, sorry, no such response. I mean, who awnted to play spider solitaire all day anyway? and there was only ONE game, hon, not GAMES. Im just being mean, ignore my insolence. All in all, it wasnt such a bad day, and surprisingly, i wasnt that bored. Maybe a little bit at times, but hardly. Scared? everytime i opened the damn door. Thats it. and guess what? i was rewarded with CHEESY WEDGES!! YAY!!! sudden craving for it over the weeks. FINALLY! SWEEEEET JOY!!! SWEEET SWEEEET JOY!!!!

I still wish that the day i made up would've happened though. Guy of my dreams, dream car, and flawless skin. Darn. The dream was nice when it lasted.

random

well, someone snet me this mail asking what i thought of her. So i replied it.

One of the questions was pretty weird. it went like.

What would your last comment to me be if im dying right there and then?

so i answered.

Put in a good word for me whan you reach heaven.

hahahaa...darn, that was hilarious. I'll edit this post when i have the time. I mean, its too short!! and i for one dont like short posts!! gonna make it longer tomorrow or something.

Fine, i admit, i'll be cheating. But yeaa... hahaa TTFN.

Depressed

People and their problems. Me and mine. No one gives a shit anyway.

Im so sick of being the shadow, being blocked up by all that sunshine.

So sick of being the follower. Always taking orders, always just tagging along behind.

So sick of being so transparent. Being so invisible to everyone.

Blending in the background. Being a freaking wallpaper. Unnoticable.

Another day in these shoes. Im just so tired now.

Dont leave me

My maid is leaving in another two more weeks. She wants to go home and find herself a husband...get married, have kids i guess. Its so heartbreaking. I've grown so fond of her now, i just cant imagine NOT having her around.

The little things she does for me is forever embedded in my mind.

- A heavy downpour accompanied by lightning and thunder. Im scared of those...oh boy. Yes i am. Im up in my room, all alone, lights outside are all off-ed. WHO FREAKING OFF THOSE LIGHTS TO BEGIN WITH!?! im look around me. No..no sign of..*shudder* i shout for her name, practically screaming for her. No reply. So sue me man, i was SCARED!! i sit there, half pissed and half terrified, and decide to hug my pillow, gather up whatever courage i have left and make my way downstairs. Once downstairs, i call for her again. There she is, my maid. I sigh- what a relief. Im not alone. And then i start scolding her for not returning my calls. She understands. She knows that i was scared. Of all people, SHE knows. Then i go to seek refuge in her room, take up some cross-stitching strings and start making braclets while talking to her.

- Another frustrating day in school. Another problem with my friends or family. Another depressing day. She is always there to listen. There to hear me out. There to share her stories. There to comfort. I thank her for that. SHe's such a sweetheart.

- Im home alone. Everyones out. Im scared. I dont like the night. I dont like to be alone. I turn on the TV, hoping the noise of the tv can drown out my stupid thoughts. Imgination of the supernatural. Darn. I call out to her, and shes there. She sits and watches the tv with me, abandoning her duties for me. I feel better, much better.

The little things she does for me, i can never forget. Of course there are also other times, before i go out, i ask her if i look nice, other times i ask her about my hair, and then the times she accompanies me to brendas house... Shes more than a maid to me..shes a friend. A best friend. MY best friend. And having her means so much to me. 2 years sure is a hell lot of time, huh? who knew i would grow so attached? 2 more weeks and shes going to go. I cant bring myself to think of that day. Only, i have ALREADY thought of that day, and found myself in tears.

Its so hard to lose a friend. Its going to be so hard knowing i wont be able to see her face everyday. God. Now im getting emotional. Darn it.