I have this need to be blind
(not literally blind, you doofus)
(not literally blind, you doofus)
Because I don’t want to see, I don’t want to acknowledge the fact that everything can be so ugly. Everything can change, everything has already changed. I want to be forever lost in that happiness from that once upon a time, forever embraced by laughter, smiles… big wide smiles that don’t seem to fade, just like being injected with botox - only not.
Because we do not need friggin botox.
If I just close my eyes and picture it, I cannot help myself but smile. All the great memories. Just a blink away. I feel as if it’s within my grasp. That if I just reached out my hand, if I just stretched far enough, if I could just push my body that little bit forward…
If I could.
Then I would be there once more, then I would be…
I would be,
I would be what?
Happy?
Happy?
Would I be happy?
I would be what?
Happy?
Happy?
Would I be happy?
Was I happy then?
It all now fades to grey. I was miserable, wasn’t I? But amidst being miserable, I was happy too. I was struggling, and yet, I was happy, I was too happy. Hanging onto that thread, was all it took to make me content.
So why did I let go?
Why did I plunge into darkness?
How could I?
Why did I plunge into darkness?
How could I?
Did I realize what I had put at stake?
I did.
Of course, I did.
Of course, I did.
IM NOT STUPID, DAMNIT.
And I recall now, why I did. Its been awhile since then, hasn’t it? A looong while. I always hide away all the bad, and remember all the great things, I forget why I do the things I did, I forget what all I did had meant.
You’ve forgotten too, haven’t you?
Maybe I subconsciously don’t want to remember, perhaps I want my life to seem all perfect. Roses. Colours. Friggin Rainbows and squishy pastel marshmallows.
Maybe its for the best.
Perhaps we’re meant to forget.
Both you.
And me.
Perhaps we’re meant to forget.
Both you.
And me.
Things were never really patched up, and yet, it was. And now I am…
Happy?
Am I happy?
.
Most definitely.
Most definitely.
I live in the past. I live for the future. I never really notice the present. And when I do think about the present, I become blinded by my past and I forget just how great the present really is. And it is. It really truly is.
We need to talk.
But we’re never going to.
That’s okay.
1 comments:
Maybe its for the best.
Perhaps we’re meant to forget.
Both you.
And me.
I like this. Our potential to forget is a bless as well as a sin.
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