Child's Play

im bloody pms-ing now. its so damned obvious. so im sorry this post is going to sound unreasonably emotional, but really this is how i feel now and i cant exactly stop it. so yeah. dont read if you dont feel like it. =)

after talking to sara on the phone yesterday night (from like 11pm till 2am), i lied in bed and thought about everything. and everything started to look clearer... than it was before. I couldnt sleep for the next 40 minutes, just lied there and thought... and felt sad and sorry for myself. This morning was the same. I sat in class all sad and down as i thought about it. The more i thought the more emotional i became. I just sat there feeling all HEAVY. I couldnt breathe properly, it just all felt so cooped up.

you know the feeling you get when you're watching this super friggin sad movie and the moment before you cry, the tight feeling you feel in your heart? the feeling of not being able to breathe because your feelings are being suppressed and you just want to let it out?

that was how i felt. exactly like that. I wanted to let it out, i did, but i didnt want to cry. That would have just been pathetic. Worse, LOWER than that. But in the end i teared. Yen hsian asked, 'why are you crying?' and i just lied (for i was in denial) 'im not CRYING, im just tired.' and i was... tired i mean. Tired of feeling that way. Tired, just TIRED. went to sara and ranted to her and felt a wee bit better. but gosh, the seminar really made me all the happy again. i was almost back to my normal cheerful self.

Until recess, thoughts started straying back again. During class yonghui and bryan and woo shen was playing this drawing game. took my mind off things and i felt so happy again. i was so glad the distraction was there. Thank God for them three idiots who cant draw. ESPECIALLY YONGHUI. XD i laughed like crap at his attempt to draw a SQUID (which turned out to look like an octopus =__="), a PANDA, a CROC, a DRAGON etc. IT WAS HILARIOUS! =) thanks for the break guys!

During history lesson i pondered about it again but pushed the thoughts away. I didnt want to feel sad, i didnt. and then i went out.. and i saw it. and everything came back to me and i started to get all emotional again. I tried acting happy. i tried acting like nothing happened, and honestly i think no one noticed the difference until sara came along and i pulled her aside and i half screamed/shouted (which made a very ugly noise but i didnt care cause i was too upset to be bothered at the time) while we kinda linked by the waist ran down the road.

...and then PONTENG KING looked back and saw me. =__=" i felt like. 'omigod'. but yeah, was WAAAY too upset to spend too much thought on that. I think people around were kind of looking too, but it didnt matter. went outside and i talked to brenda about it, because she didnt know what happened and i sort of teared a bit again (dont think she noticed though =D) i made up my mind.