Child's Play

I am sorry for the sudden outbreak yesterday. The mood swing was unexpected and the sudden stroke of emo-ness was not foreseen. I swear it’s the hormones. They’re acting up again, as always. But for now, the coast is clear, and the darkness of emo has yet reared its rather sad (in replacement for ugly as that is, as we all already know, for jealousy) head.

I am in desperate need of some form of motivation, because I sit idly every single day. Striving to study but failing miserably. As I sit there everyday, wasting my time away, pondering about the possibilities, oh what could really fill the day. And before I know it the day comes to an end. Hopeless, useless, what do I do now?

And as I lay on the bed at night, gazing up at the imaginary night sky filled with twinkly bright stars, I think to myself, oh how great, just how great it would be, if only…

If only I had THAT DRIVE.

Where have you gone?
Why wont you come back?

I remember the days I used to study so hard, working myself to the limit, not wasting a minute, a second, a breath, a beat. Constantly memorizing something, paying no heed to necessities like food or drink, teevee or the computer. It was just me and my books. Literally. During those days, I’d only eat two spoons of rice as dinner and call it enough as TIME IS A WASTING! I need to STUDY! And five minutes of nap made me feel guilty, I’d wake up in a jolt in just two minutes and wonder why five minutes was so looong. (yeah I lost weight. It was scary.)

Now the opposite is happening and I cant help myself but succumb to the laziness. The half hour naps, the two hour teevee break, the hour computer break, the lets eat some cheesecake break (I know you’re still jealous), the break for pondering, camwhoring and looking through old photos.

What is wrong with me?
I just don’t feel no pressure.

Blah.

Someone slap me, please?
Procrastination bug, please go away.

With Love,