Child's Play: August 2008

of happily ever afters

- Sunday, August 31, 2008

As a wee little kid,

Aside from dreaming to be a princess

(living in a castle where bugs dont exist)

Owning my own pretty white unicorn

(then we can go galloping off to the forest of the unknown, and then get into trouble. Cause the princesses are always the damsels in distress. Then my prince will come! and and he'd save me and and...) - you get the idea.

*loves*

and having all the marshymallows in the world

(though truthfully, i dont even really like marshmallows. They just look so cute and soft and...)

Anyway, as i was saying until the marshmallows so RUDELY interrupted my train of thoughts *slap slap*, aside from all of that, i always thought of marriage,

And happily ever afters

Its weird, but i feel as if, after marriage, everything will be RIGHT. everything will be WONDERFUL. everything will be BEAUTIFUL. everything will be just *sigh*

Everyday a living dream

I know for a fact that isnt true, course. Years and years of living in reality taught me that much. But somehow, ive never really accepted that. its like i know its true but my mind never really fully processed that. I still believe marriage will make life perfect.

And that marriage is what we've all been living for.

I know. im odd.

What can i say? im a hopeless romantic.

Ive never really pictured my wedding. I just always pictured being MARRIED. and living a MARRIED life. And i'd even think of all the little quarrels that i will have in the future and even be thinking of what i would say and how angry i would get XD, and how my Mr Right will make it all better again and we'd both apologise and we'd laugh at the absurdity of it all. =)

oh but i like wedding veils.

Wedding veils are PRETTY! *Grins*

and below are some wedding cakes:-

I got carried away with the cakes. XD i know. BUT DONT THEY JUST LOOK SO UBER PRETTY!?! There's actually more... but i resisted the urge to put them all up. *sniff* Im being nice, see?

I like cakes with lotsa tiers

XD then i can cut through them one by one BWAHAHHAHAHA! and the whole glasses and overflowing champagne thing is super pretty too! *hearts*

Bottom line is,

Life without marriage for me

is like having no life at all.

GREAT LOVE!

Oops

- Friday, August 29, 2008

I have this horrible habit that i have acquired over the past two years. Its like, whenever im called out in class to answer a question, my mind shuts down and its like some brain cell runs over to the big red PANIC button, which prolly has this small teensy little sign stating 'DO NOT PUSH' but no cell ever bothers to pay any attention to that... either that or they just enjoy pushing the big red button. But i can relate to that. Big red buttons like that (just like the lift buttons!) are really nice to push. They just look so pushable and tempting. No?

Anyway, after the button is pushed, the siren goes off in my head and its, unfortunately, unlike the fire engine siren, its more like the lame siren of xiao vons, but instead of going 'lame lame lame' it goes,

And my eyes open THIS WIDE O.O But fortunately, it takes a mere two seconds for me to recover and though my mind still draws this stupid blank (as it is on restart mode, and this takes quite awhile), i smile. Sweetly... well at least i hope so. and hope somehow... SOMEHOW, the teacher would be dazzled by my smile and erm.. forget he/she asked the question.

Not that that's ever happened

I honestly think it has something to do with Brother John. (i am aware that i've blogged about this before, but i dont care. im reminiscing. bear with me!) He called me EVERY SINGLE CLASS!! (yeah okay, so i wasnt paying attention.) and then when i smiled, he'd smile back! And he'd ask 'So, LiMay, do you know the answer?'

Then i'd turn to the person next to me and ask (hopefully) discreetly, 'what was the question?' and most times they have the same blank look i do and go 'i have no idea' and then theres people across the table mouthing the question to me but i wouldnt really be able to make out what the question is... and i'd go

'i dunnooo...'

And brother john would still be smiling all happy. Hahahaha! i swear that was training, so now its a habit. And its HORRID, cause in college, everyone knows EVERYTHING. whenever teacher asks a question, it seems to me as EVERYONE she calls would actually know the answer. and im the only one with the stupid blank look who goes 'i dont know.' and smile sweetly, only smiling sweetly doesnt work anymore. THE LECTURERS ARENT BROTHER JOHN! *horror!!!!*

Ah, old days.

And its not like i dont know the answers, if you give me a question on a paper and make me do it, i'd prolly know how to. Its just that, when put on the spot, i just cant answer. Its weird. Its bad. I'll do horrible in interviews, i know. I'd prolly SMILE A LOT. GIGGLE A LOT. SWEAT A LOT.

yeah okay. bryan knows.

(since he interviewed me once)

Anyway, speaking of teachers, and being put on a spot, i recall this one time we had to do the 'ming ju jing hua' presentation but i wasnt given what i had to say before that so i didnt really have time to practice and YOU KNOW MY CHINESE SUCKS. So hun yan had to like stand beside me and read the lines out softly and i read them out loud, hahahha! i was like SUPER thankful xp

oh oh, i'll never forget that english class presentation i had to do about the author of the pearl and yonghui was totally at the back DISTRACTING ME AND DISRUPTING MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT by making stupid faces and such, that i actually COULDNT REMEMBER my LINES and had to REFER!!!! but teacher praised me in the end and said i was a good speaker *proud proud HAHAHAHAA* and asked what he thought and he was all *thumbs down*

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

And Mr Ho said i have a nice voice too! *proud proud* Its weird though, i always sorta never liked my voice. When i was younger, i used to call my moms phone and play with the leave a message after the beep thing and say stupid things, playback and hear my own voice (im sure lotsa you did the same thing). And then i'd think to myself

'i dont like my voice, why do i sound so stupid? i sound better in my head. WHY DOES IT COME OUT SOUNDING LIKE THAT!'

Which also sorta explains why i was initially really pretty shy about singing in public and stuff. xp, really needed a lot of encouragement from my girls! *i remember those days*... and soon the shyness went away and everyone started snatching for the mike during our karaoke sessions. XD oh and sometimes, when i recall that time brenda, karen and i performed our short sketch on THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA where we sang in front of the class,

it just makes me wonder how i could have done it.

Cause i certainly wouldnt do it now. XD

'it can happen to only one of us,

Erik to be certain,'

'only one of us,

christine you must love me,

forever more,

or my heart will break,

cause you made a stupid mistake,

a stupid mistaaaake~'

'you mean nothing to me, nothing to me,

i did it out of sympathy,

i want to lose you.'

*sniff*

OLD TIMES!

Heh, and singing on stage with the girls! *loves* =') oh and brenda once said i sound like a bell.. only i heard her say BEAR at the time. and i felt so... OMIGAWD?!

A BEAR?!

RAWR?!?!?!

(i literally went rrraawr! at the time, as i recall.)

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA

But truthfully, i still dont really quite like my voice. =__=" I DONT KNOW WHY. i just DONT. i feel like i sound annoying, when i hear myself in recordings and stuff... im just glad everyone else thinks otherwise, since im not the one having to put up with hearing my voice (how it really sounds like and not how it sounds like in my head) all the time. xp

yeah okay, i have no idea how i ended up blogging about MY VOICE. =.=

im just going to stop now before i start going into more ridiculous topics like, I READ THIS ASTROLOGICAL BOOK THE OTHER DAY AND IT SAID THAT LIBRAIANS LIKE TO SAY THINGS LIKE TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY, and THERES ALWAYS A SILVER LINING. which really is pretty true, i do say stuff like that all the time... aside from the morbid things that i say some of the times.

*ahem ahem*

What?

everybody has their OFF DAYS!

GREAT LOVE!

Inside the head

- Thursday, August 28, 2008

My mind works weirdly.

You know how people have pre-exam stress dreams, the one where they wake up from a dream where they did super badly and then pick up a book and decide to REALLY study? well, i have post-exam stress dreams. I still remember, after SPM, somewhere around the end of december, i had this dream (which wasnt even weird) that there was gonna be this test the very next day and i FORGOT and was really unprepared for it. So i woke up all sweaty and stuff, at like 4 in the morning or something like that, scrambled out of bed, switched on the lights and took my books up to read. (because i put my study materials on the floor beside my bed)

.... and then it came to me

(after mere seconds, mind you. IM NOT THAT BLUR)

Didnt the exams end WEEKS ago?!

I mentally slapped myself (cause i was too tired at that point) and went back to sleep. And this didnt just happen ONCE. Hahaha! I usually sleep really well the night before the exam, except for this one time before history paper. Maybe my mind is just slow or something, everything is just DELAYED.

Oh and when im really REALLY tired when im studying and im trying hard to keep my eyes open, its like i'll be reading this sentence from the book over, and suddenly my eyes will shut close, but i can still clearly see the book and am still reading from it. Only THIS book is a figment of my imagination, but i DONT realise it until the lines i "read" gets more and more ridiculous. then something in my brain goes SNAP! and then i wake up, blink a few times, knock my head (literally) and then reread the line i was reading again... and then the SAME THING WOULD HAPPEN.

i remember there was once i was reading history, think it was about Nabi Muhammad or something, and then i nodded off and the story continued (in Malay mind you) like there was this sick boy that was gonna die, so his mother took him to the top of the mountain in hopes that Allah would save him or something, and then he had to run around the mountain in circles and i think he died in the end and the mother was crying, then the mother did something stupid i think...

it was weird.

and because it became so far-fetched, i realised it was not actually FACTS. =.=" i know, took me that long.

Not-so-fun Facts:

When i study too much and my brain feels all loaded+heavy and im getting a headache, i feel nauseous and have to go to the basin to like spit phlegm up or something. Its horrid.
When im really tired and i force myself to stay awake to study by drinking coffee, i have breathing difficulties, and feel nauseous too.
I used to spell the word phlegm as FILM, and then i changed it to FLIM... and then slowly i improved to FLEM. and one fine day, im not sure when, i discovered i was wrong all along. *gasp* horror!

Only a few more papers to go!!

Maaaath Nuuuooohh!!

Okay, ECONS down, MATH ppr 6 down, BIO down, THINKING SKILLS ppr 2 down.

Anyway, i shant blog about anything else but math paper 6 because that paper was EVIL. honestly! It goes right ahead and tricks innocent little unsuspecting, sweet girls (and boys) like me!!!! Damnation!

The paper seemed so easy, i just sailed through it. It wasnt even like stealing candy from a baby, cause babies at least put up that little bit of a resistance. It was like... picking up money from the floor.. only you didnt need to bend down. It was like having gold placed in your hand. Just like that *snap*. So easy, effortless.

Really.

and then AFTER the paper... it came to our (the innocent little unsuspecting, sweet girls) attention that, OMIGAWD, we forgot to convert this thing into ratio and left it as the percentage and (okay you dont understand what im saying) its WRONG. ITS HORRENDOUSLY WRONG!!

And the whole question was SIX MARKS!

SIIIIIIX!!!

Then there was this other question whose answer seemed so blatantly obvious. Seemed being the emphasis. and it was WROOOOONG!!!! HORROR! at first i wasnt too sure that it was true but dumbass said that bryan said so. (but i still partially didnt believe him) and then my cousin said that GENIUS SAID SO AND... *crushed*

SUPAH SAD!

yeah okay, thats all ive got to say.

Dear reader

- Sunday, August 24, 2008

I am sorry for the sudden outbreak yesterday. The mood swing was unexpected and the sudden stroke of emo-ness was not foreseen. I swear it’s the hormones. They’re acting up again, as always. But for now, the coast is clear, and the darkness of emo has yet reared its rather sad (in replacement for ugly as that is, as we all already know, for jealousy) head.

I am in desperate need of some form of motivation, because I sit idly every single day. Striving to study but failing miserably. As I sit there everyday, wasting my time away, pondering about the possibilities, oh what could really fill the day. And before I know it the day comes to an end. Hopeless, useless, what do I do now?

And as I lay on the bed at night, gazing up at the imaginary night sky filled with twinkly bright stars, I think to myself, oh how great, just how great it would be, if only…

If only I had THAT DRIVE.

Where have you gone?
Why wont you come back?

I remember the days I used to study so hard, working myself to the limit, not wasting a minute, a second, a breath, a beat. Constantly memorizing something, paying no heed to necessities like food or drink, teevee or the computer. It was just me and my books. Literally. During those days, I’d only eat two spoons of rice as dinner and call it enough as TIME IS A WASTING! I need to STUDY! And five minutes of nap made me feel guilty, I’d wake up in a jolt in just two minutes and wonder why five minutes was so looong. (yeah I lost weight. It was scary.)

Now the opposite is happening and I cant help myself but succumb to the laziness. The half hour naps, the two hour teevee break, the hour computer break, the lets eat some cheesecake break (I know you’re still jealous), the break for pondering, camwhoring and looking through old photos.

What is wrong with me?
I just don’t feel no pressure.

Blah.

Someone slap me, please?
Procrastination bug, please go away.

With Love,

Another Off Day

- Saturday, August 23, 2008

I feel like everyone's pretending.

I feel like im pretending.

And i often find myself wondering,

can i stop now?
Can i stop with the niceties?

...cause its so damned tiring

Its as if the older we get, the less real we all are to each other. More fake smiles, more fake politeness, more 'its okay' eventhough its NOT.

I want to stop hiding and start hating again.

LoL.

Cause i dont think i ever really forgive,

i just start giving up on everyone.

Learning to expect the worst from people
Cause everywhere you turn theres another shade of ugly

...and one fine day,
You find it in you.

Surprise, surprise.

Dont you hate people sometimes?

People suck.

Not Amused

- Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Shit happens, every SINGLE day.

I KNOW.

But sometimes, i cant help but wonder, WHY ME? and instead of the little voice in my head screaming back 'why not you?', its having this stupid sense of humour and is screaming back 'CAUSE EVERYONE HAD THEIR TURN' and is feeling totally smug about its comeback.

ONLY ITS NOT FUNNY.

Its NOT.

Heres what happened.

Last month, or two months ago, ONE CANNOT BE SURE, I went down to student central to pay my exam fees and college tuition (semester2) fees. Only the lady at the counter REJECTED the cheque for the sem2 fees i presented to her, saying how it was dated the 12th, and it was only the 7th then, so i'd have to COME BACK ON THE 12th to pay.

and although that didnt make much sense to me, i did what she said and went back on the 13th to pay. And so i got a receipt for that and went home. A few days later, my dad receives a letter stating how I HAVE NO PAID MY SEM2 FEES. which was completely and utterly BOGUS. he asked me for the receipts, so i gave him BOTH receipts, the one i paid for the exam fees and the sem2 fees one. Only he was bathing then so i left it on his table.

so that was that. it was done. No more complications, right?

Or so i thought. Today, i received a call (WHILE I WAS WATCHING TEEVEE, AND TOTALLY MISSED THE LAST PART OF MY MOVIE. AAAH!). It was this lady from college (did not manage to catch her name). She inquired if i had PAID MY SEM2 FEES, in which i replied, YES I DID. and she was asking WHEN DID I PAY and shit like that, so i told her, I HAVE THE RECEIPT i can SHOW IT TO YOU TMR.

and so i called dad and asked him WHERE THE RECEIPTS are. and his reply was 'what receipts?'

One word.

FUDGE.

(can i have toppings with that?)

Anyway, dad told me to wait for him to come back, then hopefully it'll magically appear and it'll all be good again. And pink ponies will go on galloping around in the land of lollipops, where goblins die while pixies sleep in dasies and dew drops are made of gold.

We'll see.

UPDATE : dad says he'll call her tomorrow and take care of it (give cheque number and blah). im still slightly peeved that the receipt cannot be found.

Of many things

May only likes watching certain olympic sports, namely :

Gymnastics (because the gymnasts are just SO AMAZING)
Beach Volleyball (hahhaa, brazilians love hugging. everytime they score they hug each other. its adorable. XD)
Volleyball -Men (Cause its kinda cool how many of the teammates just do fakes and just simply jump up and stuff to confuse the other team.)
Badminton - DONT GET ME STARTED ABOUT CHONG WEI, cause i'll never stop. and i'll just get uber depressed. Sniff POOR CHONG WEI! ITS OKAY!!!! *hugs* xp
Basketball - ive only truly watched one match. China vs USA.

It was hilarious! its like, LITTLE MEN vs FLYING MEN! xp cause the china dudes were so puny (save for yao ming) and they could only get points by doing three pointers and the USA team kept dunking. its like.. omigod. They looked like they were bloody flying. THEY CAN STAY IN THE AIR FOR SOOOO LOOOONG. *total awe* My sister, cousin and I were totally screaming for the china men to STOP THE FLYING MEN! STOP THE FLYING MEN DAMMIT!

It was quite saddening, cause like, the china team couldnt really do much when the usa team had the ball cause they were so teeny and they couldnt stop the dunks. DAMN THE FLYING MEN!

On to other things.

Remember the kittens?

They came back.

My dad saw them, and he put them in this box and carried them to taman jaya and dumped them there. all of my family members thought that he carried the mama cat and the kittens but apparently he didnt. mama cat wasnt there when he took the baby kitty's to the park and left them there. and so, ever since then, mama cat comes to our house EVERYDAY meowing for her babies, in desperate search for them.

...But to no avail

Makes me wanna cry just thinking about it. I shant comment further. Poor mama cat.

Next,

Chemistry project all done =) May is proud with her colourful work and is reminded of how much she loves her set of 70 magic colours and loves karen for giving it to her. =)

Finally,

May's sister has been busing making cakes. First cake picture was not taken, so it is up to you and your imagination for that one.

Second cake. (its a cheesecake btw)
Third cake (blueberry cheesecake)

May is stuffed with cheese.

You are jealous.

May knows. xp

On another note, May constantly reminds herself that WE ONLY LIVE ONCE and is determined to have more fun than she is currently having. and do everything she wants to do but doesnt dare to do. Stop holding herself back. Cause again, WE ONLY LIVE ONCE! *grins*

Ps. Wont be blogging for a long while. Remember to miss me!

GREAT LOVE!

My Shiny Black Shoes

- Sunday, August 10, 2008

Waaaay back when i was young, stupid and naive, I used to have this pair of shoes which i LOOOOVED. Kinda looks like this one *points below*

Only the strap wasnt like that, but was pretty like the one below : -

But dont get confused. Mine didnt have a bow. It looked like the first one but had a buckle like the second one. Is everyone following me?

Anyway, i used to love that pair of shoes cause it made me feel so (as young limay would have put it) 'Important and Big'. Because it was all black and shiny, making it look so professional (yeah, well it DID to me then) and also of the sounds it would make against the wooden floor boards. (just like my mommy's high heels)

I'd purposely pace around the shops and making my shoes HEARD (damn loud) and have this stupid feeling like ALL EYES ARE ON ME and I FEEL SO PRETTY! LOOKIT THE SHOES! LOOKIT THE PRETTY SHOES! and i'd be grinning silly in my head but would be pursing my lips trying to look SERIOUS and... old? and looking at stuff in the shop like an inspector.

and again, FEELING ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY.

Honestly, those shoes made me feel so good

Like i suddenly really was this princess everyone had to BOW down to. Cause you know, PRETTY SHOES DAMMIT!! PRETTY SHOES!!

... those were the days

Anyway, i've always liked how heels sound against floorboards, even till now. It still SORTA makes me feel that teensy bit BIGGER and IMPORTANT-er. xp Too bad now EVERYONE wears heels, so suddenly EVERYONES big and important and its like.. not a big deal anymore. *DAMMIT* XD

On another note,

I also like the sound the correction tape makes, that clicking sound as you're using more and more of it. I swear im gonna get one and use it on a black piece of paper until its all gone one of these days. Just for the heck of it.

I also would like to throw a brick down a ten storey building and hit a car with it. But im afraid i dont think i'll be doing that soon, or doing that at all. =( Sadly. But i really WANT to. *sigh* Sometimes, imagination doesnt suffice.

What now?

Get a LIFE

- Saturday, August 09, 2008

I hate it when people say im SOOO THIN. SUPER THIN. And insist on saying it over and over, cause they cant seem to say it enough times. One question (more to come later on),

WHAT IN HEAVENS NAME

IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Because everyone with FRIKKIN eyes can see that IM THIN. Its kinda REDUNDANT for you to point it out, OVER AND OVER. Its not like im in frikkin denial, its not like im going around saying how FAT I am and how im PURPOSELY STARVING MYSELF or some shit like that. I KNOW IM THIN. I AM TRYING TO GAIN WEIGHT. I don’t need your COMMENTS. So keep them to yourself.

Im convinced these people are secretly unsatisfied with themselves (low self esteem too maybe) and are trying to make themselves feel better by making everyone feel worse. One word (more words to come later),

STOP.

I don’t appreciate it and neither do I need it.

Also, I realize people like to say stuff like ‘eh? Why so thin? Never eat rice, is it?’ and start snickering to themselves like they’ve just cracked this shit-ass funny joke. Only its NOT FUNNY.

Question 2 (I did say there were more to come),

Do you ever realize

YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE LAUGHING?

Or are you too preoccupied thinking how SMART and INGENIOUS that comment was (so not, PUH-LEASE) and was oblivious to that? Get a GRIP. Its not funny, and its never GOING to be funny.

Maybe I should say something like,

‘eh? Why so fat? Eat ten burgers a day, leh?’

And then start cackling like a witch.

Would YOU like that?

Mind your own business.

And I’ll be here, minding MINE.

If you REALLY cannot help yourself, then you know what? SAY IT BEHIND MY BACK. Cause I DON’T NEED TO HEAR IT. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT. I’ve had ENOUGH.

No, seriously. You are given permission to totally call me stick thin behind my back. I don’t frikkin give a shit.

Unless you’re PERFECT and have no flaws, don’t go start giving your “ADVICE” to me like im eff-ing clueless or something. and stop asking me to EAT MORE. I’LL EAT ANY FRIKKIN AMOUNT I WANT. ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

Again, (DONT YOU GUYS WATCH BAMBI?)

If you've got nothing nice to say, dont say nothing at all.

Ps. This is not directed to ANYONE in particular. I’m just constantly annoyed by PEOPLE (see? Not just one) pointing out that im thin and me going ‘yeah I know.’ HONESTLY. EVERYONE WITH EYES CAN TELL.

OOH! Are you trying to show us that you’re NOT BLIND?

Plus, today has been a bad day for me. Im sure that’s pretty clear.

....Im just ranting cause im mad

Theres never enough

- Thursday, August 07, 2008

...cause camwhoring is FUN-NER, with company

hahhaa, we actually took really HORRIBLE looking ones, but.. BWHAHAHA

ME and MAH SUAT WEI!

Shes like an older sister to me and im like the younger sister to her. XD I dont like people WATCHING me when i eat (yeah somehow i just feel like PEOPLE ARE WATCHING sometimes), so suat wei will like BLOCK THEM with her body? HAHAHAHHAHA and then not once, but TWICE, i couldnt bite the stupid bacon thing out from the sandwich and i felt so embarassed and i was screaming helplessly in my head 'TEAR INTO TWO PIECES DAMMIT! TEAR!' and she helped me pull the damned thing out, cause i was too embarassed to do anything about it. xp

SEE? ISNT SHE GREAT?

no.

SHES AWESOME. xp

Plus, she camwhores with me. But thats only cause she likes to camwhore lots herself. Which is all good. Camwhores should stick together and make a CAMWHORE UNITED group or something. =__="

Bottom line is, me loves me suat wei!!

Anyway, the following are pictures taken yesterday...

OH YOU KNOW WHAT.

i so regret not getting those henna hand tattoos.

These pictures just make me feel oh so DEPRESSED.
who ever thought of drawing it on the back of their necks?!

smart!

Me loves THIS one.

Here, enlarged.

doesnt it look so pretty?
oh this is the stick on tattoo i got.

I love tattoos.
JENNY.

Mah fav picture of the day!

LOVE!

More more MORE!

- Wednesday, August 06, 2008

yeah okay, so i was bored (well not really, but heres to justifying my actions) and so i started camwhoring. LIKE COME ON, who even NEEDS reason to camwhore? *slaps forehead*

and to those of you who DONT KNOW im a camwhore,

yeah well, we learn new things everyday =)

You're making progress!

Lets all take a moment to feel proud.

....yeah okay, moment ended.

EMO!

NOT EMO!

Oh and college had charity carnival today and i got my face painted. (pictures from carnival are with karen and will be posted up once i get them. but until then, ITS JUST PICTURE OF ME AND NO ONE ELSE) but you know you love me.