Crossroads

- Monday, July 14, 2008

Choices, choices and MORE choices.
Not just normal choices. Important, probably life changing, path creating, crazy choices that you SO DO NOT want to mess up and choose wrongly. Remember how i was so frustrated about what subjects i was to study in A levels and cried about it? and DID NOT CHOOSE to study PSYCHOLOGY (and still regret it) in the end?!
I do NOT want to go through that AGAIN. I do NOT want to regret my choices. I want to be happy and not DO something because SOMEONE else (parents/aunts/uncles/ramdom people on the street) says its BETTER. Because in the end, its what I think that matters. Its my life. And its MY choices to make. Because at the end of it all, if life screws up, i only have myself to blame.
And so clearly, its all MY mistakes to make.
So let me be. and let me decide for myself.
for once in my life. =)
Cause im tired of thinking 'what if' and not knowing if taking heed of their advice and doing what they tell me to do is the RIGHT choice to make or if following my heart and doing what I WANT TO DO is the right choice to make. and so far, ive always did what they want me to do, what they think is best for me. cause they know best, right? And the only reason i've always done that is because im scared. Im scared of making my own decisions. Im scared of screwing my life up. Because again, they know best, right?
But then again, thats not ALWAYS true.
They dont ALWAYS know best.
so, im going to take my chances,
like everybody else,
and take that leap of faith.
Trust in myself,
and believe that all else will fall into place.
Because it always does. Somehow.
~*~*~
Anyway, Back to my dilemma...
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TO DO IN THE FUTURE!!
At first i was SO SURE about being a child psychologist.

I mean, c'mon, ive got the SPECS!!

I practically have that look DOWN already!

Look how well the 'kids' are responding to me. totally sitting there just telling me their problems. Clearly i'd make a better psychologist than lotsa ppl, cause i mean, im psycho-ing (haha) so many 'kids' at one session. Sigh. Almost as if its MEANT to be.

But nuuuuooohhh, i let my parents step in and tell me how PSYCHOLOGISTS will have lousy lives and live their lives in horror and one day commit suicide. Due to the many problems they've heard from their patients....

I dont know how that works, but its true.

Thats what my parents said.

~*~*~

Lets go back to square one.

When i was a little girl, i always wanted to be a princess. You all already know that cause this is the gazillionth time im saying it. And aside from marrying a prince, i really dont think theres any other way of being a princess. so...

Next, i learned that my sister wanted to be a doctor! and so... being the kid that i was that looked up to her SUPAH SMART sister, i wanted to be JUST like her and acquired her dreams too!

I would so totally look adorable as a doctor.

Dont you just LOVE the white?

(please ignore the fact that thats a LAB COAT)

Too bad im horribly scared of dying patients and slicing of ANY part of the body.

So naaaah....

Besides, my sister is scared of blood and soon enough, lost her interest in being a doctor and so, i lost my purpose of wanting to be a doctor.

Though honestly, i'd probably be able to overcome the fear of SLICING INTO SOMEONE if i really wanted to. Probably get used to it or something. Then again, i just so dont want to be responsible for some strangers life. I dont want to be like a cause of death or anything, cause you know, ERRORS happen and stuff, and i'll just feel guilty for life and THEN commit suicide or something.

I dont know why everything is ending up with COMMITING SUICIDE.

~*~*~

And somewhere along the way, i aspired to be a singer/actress

Thats NOT a comb.

Its a Microphone.

Dont let anyone convince you otherwise.


But then one day i woke up and realised, YOU DONT JUST GET DISCOVERED LIKE THAT. Plus, i also kinda....sorta, found out, i dont sing or act super well or anything and millions of other ppl are so much better than me. BUT THATS NOT THE POINT.

Also, i realised i DONT HAVE A NICE NOSE. but again, NOT THE POINT.*ahem*

~*~*~

And then i thought about being THE ASIAN version of OPRAH.

Yeah, okay, everyone knows of this one..

But NUOOOOH MAYLEE had to COME INTO THE PICTURE.

*stabs her*

~*~*~

so, after LOADSA thinking and PONDERING... i've finally settled with maybe studying ECONOMICS and FINANCE. omigod right? sounds shit boring, right? Yeah well, maybe it isnt. =( Maybe some time in the future i'll open my own card shop (like what chia lit suggested i do last year. XD). I'll prolly go into human resource once i go into the working world, so at least i'll be dealing with people.

It cant be that bad, right?

...at least its not ACCOUNTS

LOVE!

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