Child's Play

You know, whenever i have just nothing to do (which means i have things to do but dont feel like doing them) i tend to just pace around the room. For a LOOOONG time. It never gets tiring, its just you know, pacing. And my minds a blank and im just well, pacing around the room - in circles. Many many many times.

Its nice to think that i've got time on my hands.
Lotsa time to waste away doing nothing.

.....

Life is kind of like that for me now. I dont really feel anything. Its like i am in that pacing state. Living like that, not thinking, just wasting my time away. Only its not as nice as pacing because well, i only want to be pacing once in awhile. Most of the time i want to actually be thinking and putting my time into full use. I actually want to be living. Living in the moment, doing things that i dont know... makes me feel alive? maybe?

Because everyday is just like every other day. I wake up, i breathe, i go back to sleep. See, i dont even remember eating and drinking and all that in between. Its just three simple everyday steps - Waking up, breathing and then sleeping.

Its not like i PLAAAAN for everyday to be like every other day. I just wake up feeling the same and go to college feeling the same and come home and POOF! its just ANOTHER DAY. When im spending the time of said day (which is everyday) its not like im bored or anything, i mean, its fine! really! its fine. But when i get home. Another day. THATS ALL IT IS. THATS ALL ITS EVER GOING TO BE. its just

And the clock keeps ticking and i see the dates passing cause all ive been doing is cross them out on my calender, but i feel the same and its just HORRIBLE. Its like living but not living. im just BEING. and i just want to SNAP OUT OF THIS STATE and GET A LIFE. =__=" Cause i really feel just so ............................................*blank*

Yes, thats how i feel.

There are no words to describe how it feels. Because it feels like nothing. It feels less than nothing. it feels like. okay. i dont know. =__=" Im rambling.

I feel like ive just STOPPED being happy. STOPPED feeling sad. STOPPED feeling angry. ive just STOPPED. Im like this neutral, dumb, idiotic thing. A doll could replace me and no one would know the difference.

Okay many of you are disagreeing with me now and going,

Well, you're WROOOONNGG!

I want to start CARING again. Because i dont. I really dont give two shits (one maybe. not two. shit, im being lame). I want to stop thinking whatever. Honestly, ask me whats up. Talk to me. I will have absolutely nothing to say to you. and if i do, its cause im just crapping and digging my brain for something. DIGGING REALLY FRIGGIN HARD. that means im actually BEING NICE and am TRYING.