Child's Play

us and the bird 

batman!! 

This years christmas gathering was a BLAST!! it was held at monkey's house.. his house is DAMN big i tell you. damn BIG and damn NICE. SERIOUSLY!! we played in his thigh high pool the whole afternoon till evening. the water balloons were damn hell painful when it hit you, but the water splashing and stuff were just so fun!!!

and we took so many pictures with poses and stuff, hahaa... it was hilarious!! espeacially when bren did the one piece ZORO on candle pose. That was so CUUUTEEE!! that night, we played PICTIONARY.. and my group, GROUP KILUA!!!! *chants* kilua, kilua, kilua, kilua, got last i think. BUUUU, but it was fun anyway. LoL. the word was mirror, so I drew this stick man looking at his reflection in the mirror and circled the mirror. Karen and brenda came out with the funkiest things like DONUTMAN. everyone was laughing their heads off.

Then we played TWISTER. you know that game, where a lot of people goes on this mat with colourful dots and then you spin this arrow, and it spins and where it stops is which colour you have to put your hand or leg at. It was REALLY FUN but also VERY tiring, i sweated like MAAAADDD. and kwan seng and bryan eventually gave up with the spinning arrow and started giving instructions instead.. trying to 'KILL' us, by making us go in such WEIRD positions.

after that we stayed up and watched one piece movie, which was surprisingly short and then watched schoo of rck at like 4 something...i slept at the last aprt of the movie in an awkward but somehow comfortable to me position. i was like sitting up.. and karen was sitting next to me, she had a pillow on her lap, so i just like bent forward and put my ehad on the pillow, and before i knew it i was asleep.

think i was only able to sleep for 15 minutes and the show ended, the girls went upstairs to sleep but we were like SOOO awake we stayed up talking till 8 o clock. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?!! EIGHT!! and they made us wake up at 11 something. The guys i mean. but we were really energetic anyway, none of us were sleepy. played this murder game, where everyone tries to kill everyone and pictionary for a while, but gave up soon after. All in all, the sleepover was FUN!

Hey good news people! everything is as right and as good as day with my mum and me! Thank God my mum is ever so understanding and forgiving. I love her to bits!!

Anyway, christmas shopping is like SUCH a headache. Bren, karen and I went christmas shopping yesterday. who knew it would take HOURS to shop for those presents?!?! and to think we wanted to catch a movie. If we did, there wouldve been not enough time for the pressies. we shopped HIGH and low, spent money like CRAAAA-ZY. Which felt TERRIBLE! terrible i tell you!

it was a ten dollar note again and again and again and soon, we all spent like 150++. I mean, WHATS UP WITH THAT!?! i wish i was at china again. where things were EVER so cheap and EVER so nice. Soon enough, bren and i were left pennyless... karen went skating with her bro and couz and a friend of hers. Christmas ROBS people of their money. And we're supposed to feel good. Good my ass. Goodbye money~~ *sniff* it was nice knowing you were with me ONCE.

But still, christmas is the season of GIVING. so yea. Im not regretting anything, the stuff we got were prety cool too! ^^ thanks to the experties of brenda, karne and myself, we actually managed to pick out enough presents for all those in our list. Too bad we forgot eu chern and didnt know xue ni and louise were coming. Bah. im going out tonight, so i have to buy something for brens birthday and pressie for the others. If i dont, because mom will not be happy about spending money. then, oh well. Sorry folks. As bad and as GUILTY as i may feel later, im sorry they wont have a present.. from me at least.

Thank goodness karen and bren were there to pitch in money for the presents, or i'll be dead dry out of money right now and probably lying dead in the basement after being slayed by my parents.

Just another day of being me. The imperfect me... whom everyone just isnt happy about. Everyone just always isnt content with who i am. im THROUGH trying to please EVERYONE. im just THROUGH with EVERYTHING. im going to only please ME and MYSELF. so sue me for being a stupid selfish brat who wants everything to go HER way. You all know im just ranting right now. so just forget it. I just wanna walllow in self pity. Im angry. and im going to STAY angry. for now. so let me RANT.

Another day. Just another day in my shoes. Another day. When will these days end?

Im just ALWAYS the dissapointing one. im so SICK and TIRED of being DISSAPOINTING. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Im sad. Im angry. Im depreesed and most of all. Im Mad. Im freaking Mad... and maybe freaking sorry for not being the PERFECT daughter. im SORRY dammit. I AM WHO I AM. but im not sorry for being ME. for being WHAT i am. sorry im not how you WANT me to be. Im just so sorry.

The rain is getting heavier now and somehow it just really comforts me. Even with the thunder and all. Rain. Sweet sweet rain.

hahaa... and now all of a sudden, im thinking of star wars... 'may the force be with you'. haha... you know how when people are just so superly depressed they say amusing things? haha. force be with you. haha.

Being as stubborn and headstrong as i am just gets me into bigger trouble. its like DIGGING the hole deeper and deeper. I dont know. I just ALWAYS fight back. I listen to my friends, when their parents scold them they just well, LISTEN and cry about it later. I shout back and THEN cry about it later. and shouting back isnt a good idea, folks. Not that you people dont know that. Im just too rebellious? I cant help it. And it wasnt even half my fault today. it just wasnt me who started it. I was right. I was RIGHT until i started shouting back. And i know that for a fact.

See, MOTHER said we'd be eating dinner at 6 then going out so YEA. I washed my hair and took my bath at 5 and was planning to change before going out. So then i went to use the computer. and at 5.45, she just BARGES in the room and shouts at me why arent i ready yet? and im like you said eat at 6. and shes like well now i want to LEAVE at 6. and im like well you said eat at 6 at first so it isnt my fault. then she left, and i was going upstairs to change. so i went to POINT out to her, maybe done more HARSHLY then attended to, that i was IN FACT following instructions and doing exactly what she wanted me to. That she said EAT at 6 so it really wasnt my fault that i wasnt ready. then she got all MAD at me. Saying DONT RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME. and i didnt realise i was. IT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME! and shes like YOU'RE NOT COMING. IM NOT BRINGING YOU.

And that really triggered me. I just well, exploded. i mean, WHAT THE HELL!?!? i was already VERY WELL following her ORDERS and walking up the DAMNED staircase to CHANGE. so me being WHO I AM... STUBBORN REBELLIOUS and all sorts shouted back. FINE. and went back to the computer. then she came back and was lie OFF THE COMPUTER NOW! and im like. *off* and went off. and shes like YOU'RE NOT COMING WITH ME. come on, she already said that. so im like WELL. I DONT WANNA GO. EVER THOUGHT OF THAT!?! i was angry. i just... wasnt thinking straight. it just HAPPENS!!! BAH. and shes like YOU'RE NOT OGING FOR THE SLEEPOVER OR SHOPPING. and im like. IM GOING. I DONT CARE. which if you all knew me... would know im just freaking lying. and SHE knows that too. She knows i wouldnt even put a LEG out of the door if without permission.

Im like that. rebellious as i may be... i just WOULDNT dare without their pemission. Bah. so now im wallowing in self pity. Drowning in my tears. Im just so STUPID. someone shoot me. Just shoot me.