Child's Play

Just another day of being me. The imperfect me... whom everyone just isnt happy about. Everyone just always isnt content with who i am. im THROUGH trying to please EVERYONE. im just THROUGH with EVERYTHING. im going to only please ME and MYSELF. so sue me for being a stupid selfish brat who wants everything to go HER way. You all know im just ranting right now. so just forget it. I just wanna walllow in self pity. Im angry. and im going to STAY angry. for now. so let me RANT.

Another day. Just another day in my shoes. Another day. When will these days end?

Im just ALWAYS the dissapointing one. im so SICK and TIRED of being DISSAPOINTING. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Im sad. Im angry. Im depreesed and most of all. Im Mad. Im freaking Mad... and maybe freaking sorry for not being the PERFECT daughter. im SORRY dammit. I AM WHO I AM. but im not sorry for being ME. for being WHAT i am. sorry im not how you WANT me to be. Im just so sorry.

The rain is getting heavier now and somehow it just really comforts me. Even with the thunder and all. Rain. Sweet sweet rain.

hahaa... and now all of a sudden, im thinking of star wars... 'may the force be with you'. haha... you know how when people are just so superly depressed they say amusing things? haha. force be with you. haha.

Being as stubborn and headstrong as i am just gets me into bigger trouble. its like DIGGING the hole deeper and deeper. I dont know. I just ALWAYS fight back. I listen to my friends, when their parents scold them they just well, LISTEN and cry about it later. I shout back and THEN cry about it later. and shouting back isnt a good idea, folks. Not that you people dont know that. Im just too rebellious? I cant help it. And it wasnt even half my fault today. it just wasnt me who started it. I was right. I was RIGHT until i started shouting back. And i know that for a fact.

See, MOTHER said we'd be eating dinner at 6 then going out so YEA. I washed my hair and took my bath at 5 and was planning to change before going out. So then i went to use the computer. and at 5.45, she just BARGES in the room and shouts at me why arent i ready yet? and im like you said eat at 6. and shes like well now i want to LEAVE at 6. and im like well you said eat at 6 at first so it isnt my fault. then she left, and i was going upstairs to change. so i went to POINT out to her, maybe done more HARSHLY then attended to, that i was IN FACT following instructions and doing exactly what she wanted me to. That she said EAT at 6 so it really wasnt my fault that i wasnt ready. then she got all MAD at me. Saying DONT RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME. and i didnt realise i was. IT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME! and shes like YOU'RE NOT COMING. IM NOT BRINGING YOU.

And that really triggered me. I just well, exploded. i mean, WHAT THE HELL!?!? i was already VERY WELL following her ORDERS and walking up the DAMNED staircase to CHANGE. so me being WHO I AM... STUBBORN REBELLIOUS and all sorts shouted back. FINE. and went back to the computer. then she came back and was lie OFF THE COMPUTER NOW! and im like. *off* and went off. and shes like YOU'RE NOT COMING WITH ME. come on, she already said that. so im like WELL. I DONT WANNA GO. EVER THOUGHT OF THAT!?! i was angry. i just... wasnt thinking straight. it just HAPPENS!!! BAH. and shes like YOU'RE NOT OGING FOR THE SLEEPOVER OR SHOPPING. and im like. IM GOING. I DONT CARE. which if you all knew me... would know im just freaking lying. and SHE knows that too. She knows i wouldnt even put a LEG out of the door if without permission.

Im like that. rebellious as i may be... i just WOULDNT dare without their pemission. Bah. so now im wallowing in self pity. Drowning in my tears. Im just so STUPID. someone shoot me. Just shoot me.