Child's Play

Today, I came up to some automatic doors, and there was no one around. While they opened, I spread my arms, so I felt like I was telekinetic. A woman saw me, so I made a fake yawn and pretended to be stretching. MLIA

Today I went for a run for the first time In months. I am out of shape and had to walk most of the way. I ran when I passed people on the road so they thought I was in shape. MLIA

Today I microwaved something for 33 seconds rather than 30 because it was easier to push the same button. MLIA

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's parents' house for dinner, and I thought no one was looking, I picked my nose and put it underneath my chair. Turns out she has a little brother who found it appropriate to point at me and scream, "Booger monster, Booger monster!" FML

Today, while on my daily jog, I passed a very attractive girl. While passing her, she yelled "hey cutie". Trying to look cool, I tried turning around without stopping. I then fell off the curb and severely sprained my ankle. She caught up to help but was laughing the entire time. FML

Today, I realized that Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday make WTF. I laughed. MLIA

Today, a fly landed on the screen of my laptop. I moved my cursor right over it and clicked several times. It didn't fly away. MLIA.

Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

Today, my toddler peed in his potty for the first time. He was so excited to show me that he flung the pot in the air dousing my face with his piss. Then he laughed. FML