Child's Play

I meant for us single people... oh and for the people with other halfs who do nothing (ouch). I guess i never really felt anything the previous years as i was always surrounded by friends and we'd just go around shouting 'I LOVE YOU' and shit like that, and then there was the hugging and you know, one NEVER feels alone.

And even at the start of the day, it already hits me. Like PANG! Im ALONE. and then theres flashes of red passing by me. Greeaaat. RUB IT IN MY FACE WHY DONT YOU. and i feel even worse + stupid that im lugging around this stupid great humongus paper bag, that was bloody annoying to carry.

But you know, one musters a smile. One manages NOT to complain then (because i am now ranting. i do realise that). Everything just screamed at me - NOT IN FRONT OF THESE STRANGERS!! we must be HAPPY! *thats me talking to myself by the way*

I guess it all just sums up to i didnt feel very loved at all. I felt so very much ALONE. and that sucked. Not like hell sucked but sucked just a little bit more than the usual 'aw man this sucks'. does that make sense to you? It wasnt until the end of the day, when karen came i felt a whole WOOSH! of old times. And suddenly my spirits were lifted.

And i felt so at home again with mah best friends, karen brenda and bryan. =) Oh and it helped that karen helped me with my paper bag. xp. what a darling, right? We played foozball and darts. Which was so stupid embarassing but since it was JUST THEM, it didnt feel embarassing at all. *ohoho* I swear i've never laughed so hard. Because this time, after i STOPPED laughing, i was gasping for air.

I miss being surrounded by all that love. Not from bryan GRANTED, especially NOT THAT DAY. lol but yeah, from mah darlings karen and brenda. And i do notice little gestures, gestures that show that they know me well and are just you know, not tactless and insensitive towards me. which totally rocks!