Child's Play

Snacks to keep me company whilst I study/attempt to do questions. I was surprisingly depressed after I reached into the box and realized I ate the last HELLO PANDA 3 minutes ago. D: Just kind of sat there for awhile, took the packet out and shook it.

and then we did the whole SHAKE STICK OUT OF WOODEN CONTAINER THINGY AND LET MONK READ YOUR FORTUNE (I have no idea what the proper term is so there). And I got this,


Which basically says all the great things, and he said that things would run smoothly for me and I don't have to worry, just do what im doing and things will turn out well. Oh, but I also have to donate when i see donation boxes in the temple, cause that all comes back to me, or something like that. (: So i went around donating moneh. :D :D :D But anyway, that being said, I thought the reading was pretty untrue at first, because the end of last year was pretty rough for me. Things just weren't going great.

So, on to business then.

You know how some people just dont bother to flush? How they go into the loo's, do their business and what not and conveniently forget to flush. Or maybe they've just got high tech toilet bowls at home with the sensor that does the automatic flushing for them, so they're so used to it they dont know that traditional toilets have a handle/button that you have to push down. Yeah that's right, you push that lever down, lady.

But no, strangely, that doesn't annoy me. Maybe im just too used to the conditions in Malaysia where everywhere you go, its just like that. I remember Form 4 how our class was allocated riiiight above the girls bathroom, and every time after lunch time, when the wind blows (as it does, so very often), we get a whiff of the sweet aroma of bodily waste coming from the floor below. :D AH, WHAT GOOD MEMORIES. (kill me nao), and how the girls were tasked with using buckets and splashing the cubicles with water to try to eliminate the fowl smell (not sure if that was form 4 or another year).

So no, Im used to that. Im used to people not flushing after use. Its okay, I flush for you. What irritates me, is when people remember to flush after use, but after that, when they wash their hands, they use tissue to wipe it dry and then dispose of it in the toilet bowl, and just leave it there. cause its 'Clean'. That really, really gets to me. Because to me, when i see that, I just think its dirty anyway. And even if its a clean piece of tissue (okay, relatively clean, it still has your germs on it, lets not forget), Im still not comfortable doing my business on it. :O So i flush anyway, and it just feels like such a waste of water!

I don't mean in a relationship, boyfriend-girlfriend. Not that kind of girlfriend. I mean, being a girlfriend to your girl friend, being part of a sisterhood. Its like how bros have the bro code i guess, we have our rules too, certain things that are just expected of you, as a sister, as a girlfriend. And its not easy, we all know that. But you choose your sides, you choose the side you bias with.

You weigh the importance of each person in your life and you take your pick. Which side are you on? If you dont choose a side, you're outed from the group, there's no place for you here. Oh, we'll smile, we'll wave, we'll exchange pleasantries alright, but who are you to me? You don't belong here. Harsh, isn't it? But you need to pick a side, we need to know you're on our side, that if things go bad, if things go sour, you'll be there with us, sticking with us through thick and thin. You cant trust someone or fully let someone in when you know they're sitting on the fence, when they're being indecisive.

And if you ever felt like you dont belong in a group, that no one was willing to take you in, you know exactly why. This is the reason why. It is so much easier to be friends with boys, isnt it? Less complications, less bitchy-ness, less implicit expectations. I like to believe that because I understand how difficult it is to be a girlfriend, how unfair it can be, that I can be the exception and not stick to the rules, not push someone out from my circle of trust just because. But I can't shake the feeling off, and expectations, i have expectations, and this - this is bothering me.

Yes, Im peering through the screen and looking at your unraised arms right now, go on, raise them. I know you're itching to. Its true, I can see you. I mean, im not saying I don't like birthdays, whats not to love, right? People all around you celebrating the fact that you're still alive, WHOOP! another year older, lucky you, YOU MADE IT, you didn't die!! :D