Child's Play

#shesaidokay (part II)

- Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Okay, so without further ado, this is the proposal, as experienced by me, through my perspective BAHAHAHA

First things first, I have to say I KNOW I LET SO MANY PEOPLE DOWN WITH MY NON CRYING during the proposal. To that I say, I AM SORRY BUT I CANNOT CONTROL MY EMOTIONS AND APPARENTLY I AM REALLY A ROBOT. No, REALLY. To be honest, I have watched so many proposal videos before and the girl almost ALWAYS cries from being too damned shocked and happy at the same time. So in my defense... please hear me out on why I didn't cry HAHAHAHA

one

The proposal didn't come as a shock to me

As I mentioned in part I, we have always had the 4 years plan so I knew that it may happen some time during the year but I didn't know when. Also, if you don't know my mr. karn, he is not the best at keeping things under wraps, especially not from me BAHAHAHAHHAA although he did do a very good job this time around! It all started the week before chinese new year, he started being veeeerry dodgy HAHAHA whenever i wanted to take his phone to look at photos, he'd quickly snatch his phone up and ask me what I wanted to look at and purposely help me click so that I could only look at that one thing before taking his phone back. AND whenever I walked close to him while he was supposedly doing work, he'd purposely click back to his desktop screen so that I couldn't see what he was working on. SAME WITH THE IPAD.

Wah lao. so secretive for what.

I know our anniversary coming up la, but since when he pre-plan so much...

So then I knew DUN DUN DUNNNN...

something is up! is he going to propose on our anniversaryyyyy? :O

I mean, IT MAKES SENSE. We did say 4 years and that would be the 4 years mark! right right? but then okay, must guai guai pretend not to know. COME ON, dont burst his bubble right! And anyway, what if I was wrong - although I rarely am wrong (BAHAHHA boasting boasting - but its true, i know my mr. karn)

To his credit, he actually started planning for the proposal 4 months in advance (what is with us and the number 4?) and started engaging all mah friendsss and familyyyyy TT AIYO SO SWEET, KAN? (I realize I use much more malaysian slang in my blogs but that's how I talk in my head now so no filter, okay. if the malaysian wants to come out, we let her out! :p)

So apparently he asked my parents for permission individually. This boy so smart, he knows I tend to sleep in on weekends HAHAHA cause on weekdays I always sleep early, so on Friday night's i go full on rebel-mode and stay up until cannot tahans then crash and wake up later on Saturdays. So he brought my mom out for breakfast and asked for her blessing. He then talked to my dad separately and got his OK too.

TT WAH SO BRAVE.

I don't think my parents are the easiest of people to talk to BAHAHAHHAHA especially since I am the baby of the family and they still think of me as the baby ALTHOUGH I AM A BIG GIRL NOW (not in size but in spirit and sheer aura of awesomeness that emanates from my very being) so he said he felt quite daunted and had to psych himself up for THE TALK.

MY BRAVE SOLDIER. GOING AT IT ALONE.

wah, really not easy to be a guy leh.

First need to tell your own parents that "I WANT TO MARRY THAT GIRL" and then have to ask the girl's parents for permission (though I know some guys skip the permission seeking step). I don't know how I would fare as a guy AHAHHAHAHA maybe wait for the girl's parents to pressure me into marrying her then just OK LAH OK LAH I WILL MARRY HER SINCE YOU GUYS WANT ME IN YOUR FAMILY SO MUCH. MAKE YOU HAPPY LAH.

BAHAHHAHAHAHHA

I would fail terribly as a guy.

Luckily I wounded up with a boy that loves me enough to muster up the courage to ask my parents for their blessing to ask me for my hand in marriage BAHAHAHHAHAH if I wounded up with myself in guy version, sure have to wait forever. So chicken shit. AHAHHAHAHAHA how did this post turn into a post about insulting my fictitious guy version self. SO SAD BAHAHAHAHAHHAA

Anyway, apparently he had lots of different ideas of how to propose to me. He really put a lot of thought into it and had the idea of surprising me with a trip to London and proposing to me at the steps of the hall I used to stay in, where he held hands with me at the staircase area and asked me to be his girlfriend (': to basically circle back to square one on how our relationship started. But since our anniversary is on the 10th of Feb which is like the 3rd day of CNY (if I am not mistaken), my parents told him that they would prefer to have us around for the celebration and they also did not know how I would feel if I missed out on CNY so in the end, he had to change his plans to something local instead which worked out for the better because MORE HANDS ON DECK! :D

I have to say our friends were amazing. like. AMAZING.

He created two group chats and broke the news - HE WAS GOING TO PROPOSE!! and everyone got all excited and celebratory - yalah, all celebrate without me EMO and it was hilarious because they had to contain their excitement and not tell me anything for those few months HAHAHAHHAHAAH i can only imagine if I were in their shoes, i'd be like laughing inside, WHAT SHE DOESNT KNOW. NYEK NYEK NYEK so annoying.

So they helped him plan, he started scouting for places he thought had potential by googling and found this place RUMAH KEBUN at ULU LANGAT.

He then reached out to su ean, su ping and shon lee and they went to reckee the place - AT MIDNIGHT, on a WEEKDAY....

because he spends all weekend with me and did not want to seem suspicious. AIYO SO POOR THING THESE PEOPLE, all cause im a sticky girlfriend, had to go reckee the area after work at that odd hour TT I FEEL FOREVER GRATEFUL. THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR SACRIFICING YOUR SLEEP FOR MAKING IT SUCH A BEAUTIFUL AND MEMORABLE PROPOSAL. YOU GUYS ARE THE BESTEST.

BESTEST OK.

The boy had his vision and su ping made it come to life with some drawings hahaha like below:

SO PRETTTEHHHHH

He sourced all his material like the laterns & balls of lights online and bought lots and lots of candles from IKEA. when I say lots and lots, i really do mean LOTS and LOTS of candles hahahahahah His car had such a strong candle smell for daaaaays after our engagement because he moved the packed boxes up to his places in batches.

Anyway, sorry for the abrupt ending to this post but it is getting late, I will continue again in part III soon!! With more reasons backing up why I didn't cry *clearly I did not plan this post, i just type and type whatever comes to mind lol, sidetrack maximum, but I guess the story is slowly coming along!*

Till then, much love.

#shesaidokay (part I)

- Monday, July 25, 2016

GUESS WHAT!!

This happened.

IM ENGAGED!!!

Not that anyone still visits this page but I feel obliged to update for FUTURE ME (giving myself a pat on the back right now on behalf of my future self) to read back and reminisce HAHA! I really should have updated this much earlier given that we got engaged on 10th Feb 2016 - that's right! On our 4 years anniversary!

We've always talked about a 4 year plan - which meant dating for 4 years and then getting engaged to be married, so this did not come as a complete shock to me. Eh, pre-planning very important, okay! We have both always been very serious about our relationship, even as early on as 6 months into the relationship - CLEARLY, because after just a mere 2 months of dating the boy applied to work in Malaysia BAHAHAHAHAHA

Talk about moving too fast :p

but it never felt that way

Heck, at the moment he asked me to be his girlfriend, we were both very logical about it. I told him i did not want to start something if it meant having to do long distance (we were graduating that year) and i do not believe in LDR working out, especially if we were only going to just begin dating, meaning haven't built a solid foundation before possibly needing to have a LDR (obviously this does not hold true for everyone, BUT I AM A STICKY GIRLFRIEND I ADMIT I ADMIT)

I also very honestly told him that long term I would probably want to settle in Malaysia so if that was a deal breaker for him, then we shouldn't even start because then it would just be harder down the line. The boy, bless his soul, was totally okay to try getting a job in Malaysia and settling down here because he said that

a) his family would be OK for him to live abroad

b) Malaysia is closer to Thailand than UK

And so our story began :)

EH SO SUPER UNROMANTIC AND LOGICAL - WHO ELSE STARTS THEIR RELATIONSHIP LIKE THIS?!?! But looking back at my history, seems like some of my friendships also start this way BAHAHAHAHA sidetrack a bit, but my friendship with su ean began at a sleepover. It was late into the night and we were talking about how everyone was pretty much buddied up and we both didnt have anyone that we were THAT close to, so then we made a decision to be there for each other and be each others buddy!! And from that day on, we started our conscious effort to chat daily, update each other on news and to date, she is one of my closest friends :)

Sometimes it is when your head is in the right place and you're thinking logically where you make the best decisions? :p

PROVEN. LOOK WHO I SNAGGED.

BEING WITH THE BOY MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A WINNER EVERYDAY.

NOT EVEN KIDDING.

SO LUCKY.

THANK YOU BUDDHA.

Wah, supposed to blog about proposal but instead blog about back story. Good job brain, way to drag the story out.

OK IT IS 11PM, THIS SHALL BE PART I and hopefully I will be hardworking enough to update PART II soon. :D

The story of us

- Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Time really does fly!

I can't believe the boy and I have been together for a whole of 4 years now! I feel so lucky and so grateful everyday that I have this boy in my life and I can't imagine life any other way.

Made a photobook for my favourite boy documenting our story. Its super basic because I'm not very artsy-fartsy (although I try and fail to be) hahahaha but it makes my heart warm.

The boy - reading the book HAHA look at that cute chubby face C:

See below for blurry view of the book.

Made online and printed by Photobook Malaysia :D

The boy - expert in defusing bombs

- Monday, February 01, 2016

Transferring this piece from Dayre to my blog since I am now officially back to blogging!!

------------------------------------

Yesterday the boy and I were running late for our movie. Somehow he was taking his own sweet time parking so I got annoyed lol

: Stop wasting time! Why are you...

*he cuts me off by talking loudly over me*

: HARO!!! HARO HARO!!!!

*i start laughing*

: Whats that! Why suddenly haro haro!

: Cause you were going to scold me! So I quickly haro haro!

This boy. He really knows how to get out of trouble. How to scold when hes so cute!!!

He does this EVERY time.

He has this bad habit of being late. So he knows I am upset when I step out of the house.

This fella.. as soon as I open the car door, puts on his cute face that he knows I can't get mad at.

But I try to resist anyway.

: You're late

: bb. *continues to make face*

: You know I don't like it when you're late

: bb. Did you see my face?

Then I cannot tahans and will laugh and squeeze his cheeks. So adorbs and annoying at the same time.

This boy does not fight fair!

Or more like, this boy so smart, know how to defuse a fight

Rekindling this old flame

- Saturday, January 30, 2016

To state that it has been awhile since my last blog entry would be an understatement haha. Clearly it has been years!!

Well, the good thing about have a wiiiide gap between blog entries is that now I can share my learnings these past years (imagine a wise old man, stroking his beard) with past me.

Dear Youngling – the gap between your teeth that you thought was a sign of you growing up was really just your wisdom tooth on your bottom jaw growing perpendicularly. As it had not touched your other teeth at that point yet, there was a gap where food kept getting stuck in that annoyed you endlessly… well, that is, until it grew further and actually starting pushing your other teeth that all started to hurt like hell because they were being pushed out of place in your gums.

You started to have dreams of your teeth falling out that was heck unpleasant and thanked God in the morning when you realized they were still firmly in place. Because of your fear of seeing dentists, you held in there and dealt with the pain, until one day you really couldn’t anymore that you went into an empty meeting room during working hours and called up a dentist to make an appointment to check your teeth out.

The x-ray scan of your jaw freaked you out when you saw both the wisdom tooth on your jaw growing 90 degrees to your other teeth – also when the dentist said that the root was wrapped around your nerve and that there was a 1% chance of your face going paralyzed if the extraction did not go smoothly.

You searched up the best wisdom tooth extraction dentist that you could find over the internet, that had RAVE reviews. RAVE REVIEWS! And booked an appointment. You were a nervous wreck. There was a very pretty nurse there who could tell how nervous you were and kept comforting you with words of encouragement throughout the horrible session. Even the dentist got nervous because you were nervous (IM SORRY, IM SO SORRY, BUT IT WAS HELLA SCARY) and he injected your gums many times with the good-ol’ numbing stuff just in case.

You expected it to feel like nothing, but you could feel how much pressure the dentist was applying to drill your tooth, and there was a very weird prickly sensation that you couldn’t decide if it was pain or not but it felt weird and you were afraid it meant something was wrong. Clearly the tingling prickly sensation WAS pain, but numbed down to such a subdued level it was just a little sensation – but nevertheless, being your FIRST TIME having a wisdom tooth extracted, with the words HALF YOUR FACE PARALYZED looming over your head, the whole ordeal was a nightmare.

The dentist later said (after successful extraction - with no credits to you because you were probably the lousiest, most difficult patient he ever had) that you should be administered under GA for your next extraction because it was too stressful for him, knowing how scared you were. WHOOPS.

Well, you have always been a worry wart. IM SORRY. IM SORRY. I SAID IM SORRY. BUT IT WAS HELLA SCARY OK!

Truth is, I tell you this story now and guess what – there is a gap forming on the right side of my jaw. The other wisdom tooth has come out to play. I really don’t want to go through that again but I know I will have no choice – but right now I am putting it off. I don’t know how long I can put it off for. Logic and sensibility is telling me to go extract it now but my fear and worry is telling me IT CAN WAIT FOREVER. And IT WILL STOP GROWING CAUSE MY TOOTH IS JUST SMART LIKE THAT. And CAN IT WAIT TILL AFTER CHINESE NEW YEAR and AFTER MY HOLIDAYS and WHY NOT JUST STOP GROWING IM SERIOUS. IT COULD HAPPEN RIGHT?!

So yes, I am putting it off for a month. I will extract this in March – I think. I pray it does not give me any trouble in the next month. PLEASE BODY, PLEASE BE SMART.

I’ve heard other people’s experiences about getting their wisdom tooth extracted but none quite as harrowing as mine – because apparently everyone else I know is much cooler than myself. HAHAHAHAHA they felt the prickly sensation, identified with it, and were like *shrug* while I was panicking in the seat with stupid thoughts running through my mind. THANK YOU BRAIN. THANK YOU.

Also, I have mixed thoughts about going under GA because there are also horror stories about body falling asleep but actually mind still awake and can still feel ALL THE PAIN? OMG WHAT THE FREAK! And stories about NOT BEING ABLE TO WAKE UP?

That’s way worse than going through the whole ordeal – so okay, okay. DEEEEEP breath. I will probably have to go through it again one more time, maybe with a different dentist because I don’t think the last one will take me anymore (shy) even though I thought he was brilliant. IM STILL SO SORRY BUT IT WAS HELLA SCARY. But for now, let’s just be happy and smile and pray at least I don’t have to go through it for another month or so, yes?

Anyway, what triggered this entry was me reading through old entries. I scroll through them once in awhile and it is always nice to reminisce old days, and read through them from the words of my younger self :) I guess I just want to continue on with this online journal so that I have something to read when I am older than I am now – to reflect on these days and my silliness/ wiseness (HA! Wiseness isn’t even a word) and remember how it felt living through these days and how happy my days are, ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES HELLA SCARY, but what is life without a bit of drama, eh?

And above all else, to love myself and remind myself that there is nothing to be ashamed of! HAHAHA One of the reasons I hold back from blogging – aside from being lazy – is that because I am working now, I am afraid of random colleagues stumbling across this blog (it really is not hard to find) and reading all the stupid thoughts that run through my mind.

I am not ashamed of myself, never have been, I am just thick skinned like that and I love my stupidity as much as my smartidity – KIDDING – I meant intelligence but I really wanted to rhyme. But I guess we all want to maintain some sort of professionalism, especially at work, and colleagues reading this may suddenly view me a little differently? I don’t know.

Well I have stumbled across colleague’s blogs before and had my fits full of laughter because I thought it was so adorable and my views didn’t really change. Then again, I can’t speak for the general population and we LIVE IN DAYS FULL OF PEOPLE READY TO LAY ON THEIR JUDGEMENT. So I don’t know. I dread having to one day make this blog private, because I don’t like the idea of making anything private – I AINT GOT NO NOTHING TO HIDE!! But I guess to protect worklife, one day, I may have to.

Also with my memory I am afraid of losing the password for this blog and NEVER BEING ABLE TO ACCESS AND READ MY PAST ENTRIES EVER AGAIN so there’s THAT risk of going private. Let’s see.

Till then.

My world is still pretty much filled with candy canes, rainbows and unicorns.

And I still love everyone VERY MUCH.

Older than before.

- Sunday, October 14, 2012

So I turned 22 this month. Oddly enough, 21 is supposed to be the defining age but 21 felt very much like 20, and 20 felt very much like 19 and 19 felt identical to 18, there really wasn't a turning point then and I didnt understand what the whole fuss was about. Sadly, I do now. So turning 22 for me was basically my 21.

Signs that I am older than I was before.

There is a cleft between my teeth that food gets stuck in.
I SWEAR, this was never there before this year. It deeply saddens me.
I have now started work and have no life.
I type serious emails at work and use as little of 'I' as possible because everyone else does it.
(e.g. Seeking approval for blah. Appreciate assistance on this. Would like to blah.)
I guess adding 'I' in front of things makes it personal? I HAVE NO IDEA, it befuddles me but I shall just go with the flow, my brain cannot comprehend at the moment but I am slowly getting used to it.
I am aware of all my expenses and have started keeping track.
LRT 4.60
Lunch 15.00
And have started saving up + give money to my parents.
T.G.I.F actually means something to me.
No time to watch series or catch up with friends.

I miss the times when things were simpler. But all in all, I am happy where I am today. I feel so lucky and so blessed and I believe that I have everything that I have ever wanted right here with me. So here's to 22. (:

Games Maker

- Sunday, August 12, 2012

Okay guys, Im so sorry ive neglected the blog for awhile now, no promises on updating it more often ): the blogging flame has kind of died down and I find I dont have the time (or rather, cant be bothered to spare the time NUUOOHH). Also, this new blogger system makes it harder for me to post photos D: so this shall be a photoless post... do view facebook for photos though :D go on, dont be shy! :D I shall now write a long and boring post because i feel boring and spent today HAHA :p

So my Olympic games maker journey has come to an end! It has been long and tiring, but also very rewarding. I got to meet and mingle with people I never would have in my life if it wasnt for this opportunity. Its crazy really! To work with people whose lives seem world's apart and how we all get along splendidly (: It was good fun working together with the army guys and royal air force people, talking to the older uncles to the young ones that dropped out of school and didnt know what else to do so went into the army. Its a little strange, sometimes it feels as if i fell into a movie when they tell me their stories, but i guess the movies get their material from somewhere. I worked together with G4S (security) folk and there was this one boy who was doing it part time and told me he's the only one in his neighbourhood to go to university and that everyone was so surprised. I think I must have looked at him in awe, good on you. Where does he find that drive and determination?

It was also really amazing to work together with the other Games Makers. I believe it was very smart of the Olympic Committee to hire volunteers for the event! (: Almost everyone is always on high spirits and have a lot of enthusiasm throughout the day. I think we, out of all the workforce, understand the most what it takes to make the games. Everyone is always eager to please, and friendly, and smiling. We're constantly moving about, dancing, laughing, chatting to spectators making them feel happy too! (: Its been wonderful getting to know and work with these people! There were so many working folks that used up ALL their annual leave just to be there and volunteer. That screams dedication!!! :D And spectators are so sweet (: They always turn to us and say thank you, or good job, or thank you for the time that you have given up for this! or they tell us they think we're amazing! :D

I've heard so many spectators ask 'WHY ARE THEY SO HAPPY?!' HAHAHAHA :D And when I turn someones frown upside down! Its such a nice feeling! (: I also think its so cute when people feel so rushed and anxious when they're going through security and have to take out everything from their pockets etc, i always go, 'its okay! you can take your time!' XD and so now i know how it feels like to be on the other side! ohohohoho (: Ive received hugs from people, and high fived kids (though one high five was special cause he was sitting on his dad's shoulders and then he held out his hand so I was the one who had to run to him to high five him. WHAT A BOSS), and even danced with an uncle in the line LOLs. Its been a good run.

I remember reading on the security white board, 'tiredness last for a short while, memories last forever.' (: The 8 hour shifts did take a lot out of me at the end of the day, but im glad i took part in this, its been a fun ride :D Thank you Olympics Committee for everything! :D

ps. on the last day of my shift, I got 2 free tickets into the Olympic Park! :D So my boy managed to come in, for the first time! I've been trying to get tickets online but I failed to do so cause they've all sold out. So that really was a stroke of luck!! Thank you to my favourite boy, for sending me every morning for my shift, and waiting for me at the end of my shift to send me home so I never have to be alone. Thanks for putting up with my tired self and being the best boyfriend I could ever wish for.

#icanrelate: Keratosis Pilaris

- Monday, May 28, 2012

I've had Keratosis Pilaris from as young as i can remember. Wasn't born with it, but I think I got it sometime when I was still in primary school. These little skin coloured bumps just appeared around my tummy area one day and I didn't know what it was. They didn't itch or anything, they were just THERE. I remember running up to my mom when she got home and showing it to her and asking her what it was. First reaction was a little bit of surprise and 'i don't know, go ask your father.' So i ran to where my daddy was and asked him, and he didnt know either. So, since it didnt itch or anything, we just left it for a few days in hopes that it would go away. But then it didnt. So i remember going to the doctors and asking the doctor about it. I dont remember clearly anymore because it was so long ago, but i remember him saying that there was nothing we could do about it and it had something to do with my sweat glands... so that was that. I went home, i made my peace with it. Ugly tummy skin, okay. okay. okay. Somehow, even when i was a kid, it did matter, but i didnt really let it bother me because, hey, no one is going to know anyway right? and hopefully it goes away, right?

So many years passed. And it stayed. Ive only told a couple people about it before, because i've always felt self conscious about it, so its not like I go around showing people HEY LOOK, TINY BUMPS INNIT AWESOME. yeah, no. Not awesome. But I did show a couple of friends, I guess in some way, trying to comfort myself with ITS NOT THAT HORRIBLE through seeing the reactions of people. I've gotten a few, 'how come like that one?', 'Its not so bad, I cant really see it unless I look closely', so its not that bad I guess. But it did make me feel like a weirdo because I didnt know anyone else who has the condition, but hey, never mind. And then one day I went somewhere with a couple of friends and i saw that a friend of mine had it too! TT For the first time, I felt like I was not alone, its sad that he had it as well, but it also consoled me a little bit. And then another friend saw and made the comment that he's dirty and didn't shower D: So that deflated my self esteem a little bit and I tried to defend him with 'I dont think cleanliness has anything to do with it' but at the same time, I wasnt going to offer myself up and say I had it too. Cause it made me feel kind of dirty and gross then ):

But again, never mind. I made my peace with it. And I figured, anyone who likes me is going to like me for me right? This shouldn't matter right? And its not SO BAD. But then recently, its been getting worse. Ive been getting more spots and its even spread to my arm and its freaking me out. So I googled it (not that i never googled it before, but last time, i.e. many years ago, it didnt pull up any results) and the words Keratosis Pilaris came up. And I was like, THATS IT. THATS WHAT I HAVE. WHAT I HAVE, HAS A NAME. And a lot of sources said that there is no cure. You may grow out of it and that 1 out of 4 people in the world has it and that it is hereditary. No, nothing to do with cleanliness, its just your body producing too much keratin. OH YOU BODY, YOU. WHY YOU SO EFFICIENT EH!?!? =.= But basically. It was depressing to see the words NO CURE, but at the same time, again, comforting to know, NOT ALONE. NOT MY FAULT. I came across this website that sells Kerafree, which is apparently this lotion thats supposed to cure this, but Ive read reviews and its pretty mixed. Some says its been making the condition worse, some says it helps, i dont know. Also, its very pricey, so ive decided i dont want to take the risk, considering the price and the mixed reviews. So never mind.

But, upon more googling, I found this video,

I dont know if you watched it but basically the girl says she uses this cleansing scrub and moisturizes and it cures her skin! :D So I bought the scrub online and have been using it. The ones of my arm are not as bad anymore though the ones around my tummy area are still there, but hopefully they'll go away with time. (: But just in case anyone else out there has it as well, hopefully this can help you as well, or you could alternatively always try Kerafree, link here, its 40pounds (: It was so nice to read the comments on the youtube video that it made me laugh and kind of want to cry, because those people suffer the same condition and everything they say resonates with me and how I've always felt. Its so nice to feel like you're not alone. And im so glad I've found someone who cares for me and doesn't give a shit about this KERATOSIS PILARIS and doesn't allow me to call it ALIEN SKIN, although i still always do. :O Thank you, boy

Alright, for all you people out there who have keratosis pilaris aka chicken skin (I had no idea they called it that), #icanrelate. And its not the worst thing in the world (: Its okay. *patpat* For all those of you who don't, GOOD FOR YOU and please dont make mean comments about it D: It really eats into someones self esteem and thats not very nice. People should always, ALWAYS watch what they say. Because a offhanded comment does still really hurt. But anyway.

x Back to studying (:

Give sparingly?

- Friday, May 25, 2012

I wish there wasn't so much I had to think about. You put your faith in people and you expect them to deliver. But this is the real world, people have their self interests at heart, its about time you learned. But im still that very same girl, the one who got her milk stolen from the fridge but opened and closed the fridge over and over again, in disbelief. Hoping the next time she opened the fridge, that bottle of milk would be there. Ah, my bad, I just missed it, you were sitting there all along, no one took you. But to no avail.

When will you learn?

Perhaps its time to accept the truth of it, people are fundamentally selfish, heck. Im selfish too, i know. I admit it. But when im counting on someone, and i know someone is counting on me, i do my best. And it is human nature to expect reciprocity, else we just sit at one corner, pouting, feeling upset. You get what you give, so give good, right? Or is it not? The more you take the more you gain? Give sparingly? At a loss for words. I hate it when people let me down. Oh, who does? I hate it when i start losing faith in people, when in my mind i start painting bad images and seeing people in a negative light. But its hard,

People like you and me, its sad isn't it? You told me, that's life. That's just what happens, I had to learn it the hard way too. Next time just be wary. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. It would be so much easier if everyone was just nice and you wouldn't feel like a fool to place your trust in people. Its so hard isn't it? Sometimes it feels as though you can't trust anyone but yourself. People let you down. Is it worth it?

On a brighter note, conversation with my sister today,

"Hahahaa ooh so unfair, I thought I was cool"

"Ohohohohoho Sorry to break it to you, but I'm cooler."

"Im like a snowman. You're just a spec of snowflake that forms the whole of me."

:D HAHAHAHAHAHA Im so lame but I make myself laugh. Oh my.

Back to readings (:

Transition period

- Thursday, May 24, 2012

2 papers down, 3 more to go. GYAAAARR!!!

but hey, it'll be over soon (: a little strange to think that this is going to be my last school exam ever. Ever. ever. unless I decide to take on Master's later on, which i doubt i will. And i'll be graduating soon. My. I feel old. All smiles.

Cool blue m&m totally checking me out.

How you doing, yourself (;

I cannot believe im turning 22 this year. Looking at my own picture im like, NO WAY. that girl looks 16. yeah. no. ): YOU'RE OLD NOW MAY. OOOOOOLD. but i'll start acting my age when i graduate, and step into the working world and be a working girl D: NUUOOHHH. I REFUSE. i will be

FOREVER YOOUUUNNNNGGG~ TTv

*abrupt end*

This still gets me, every time.

p.s. I hate the new blogger settings ): I don't know how this shit works. ):
p.p.s Will be done by the 12th of June. Cannot wait!!

On my list of things to do

- Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Relearn to drive (I'm thinking crash course with dad every evening after work from the time i get home till work starts! crossies!)
Continue to volunteer, perhaps be involved in events (: that would be very, very nice.
Take up belly dancing D: wanted to do this for years now. (haha brenda, i still remember that postcard i sent you XD)

Okay, until I think of more, this will be it. Im not very good at making goals and resolutions. If you all recall, every year my new years resolution is TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION. but, yeah, i think this is an improvement? a little bit more realistic this time, dont you think?

o wow. this girl has grown?

#icanrelate: sweaty palms

- Sunday, April 15, 2012

Having sweaty palms is such a pain. And its not that there's anything you can do about it (actually no, I've read somewhere before about some treatment where you put your hands in water and they pass current or something in the water that will somehow make the sweat glands not secrete as much or something? but I don't think its a very well known thing and i dont know where to get that done and if it will even work so im gonna factor this out). Different people have different degrees of severity of this condition, I think I have it pretty bad, but maybe im just biased.

I wouldn't mind it if it didnt affect everyday functions. But it does. Its horrible when you meet people for the first time, cause it gives off such a bad impression. Its like, sure enough, you're nervous, so fine, that makes your palm sweat. and then worrying about your sweaty palms gets them going even more. GOOD JOB SWEAT GLANDS. D: I swear, thinking about sweaty palms alone makes them sweat, I can just sit there and stare at my palms, and they'll start to sweat. Its horrible. So honestly, honestly, its one of the things im self conscious about, and i never start off holding someones hands and when i meet new people, i pray that they wont want to shake hands because Im afraid they'll think im gross ): IM NOT GROSS I SWEAR.

And its worse cause it affects your performance during exam periods as well. The paper starts getting soggy and wet, and especially if its an essay you have to write, its horrible. The ink starts going funky (so now I only ever use ball pens cause they're not as affected), you're afraid the paper will tear, and if you're using pencil, HAHAHHAHAA - Dont even think about it. Its not going to work. So yeah. I remember back in primary school when using pencils were compulsory I used to wrap my hand up in a handkerchief (when my sweaty palms were really bad) so that I could do the paper just fine, it wasnt the easiest to write with a stupid handkerchief in the way, but it worked out alright i guess. And even now, when i make cards or write on cards, I think i get a bit anxious because I want it to be perfect, so i always put another paper between my hand and the card so that i wont smudge anything or sweat onto it. ITS SUCH A PAIN.

And then theres the sweaty trail that you leave everywhereeee. When your sweat dries up and everything you touch just looks dirty ): its sad, really. I remember last month I had to bring my lappie to school to work on the marketing project with my group, and every time before i left the house i would have to wipe the keyboard and the mouse cause the sweat stains are HORRIBLE. D: and i just feel super embarrassed about it, again, IM NOT GROSS I SWEAR TT Karn told me that he uses a keyboard protector, but I cant be bothered so. D: usually i just have my lappie at home anyway and no one uses it but me so its alright.

I remember once in first year, a few friends came over to my room and one of them wanted to use my comp to look something up, and in my head i was just screaming NUUUOOOOHHH, cause i didnt have time to wipe my keyboard and IM NOT GROSS I SWEAR D: but i couldnt exactly go, DONT LOOK AT MY COMPUTER LET ME HELP YOU WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT TO FIND HUH!?!?!?!? so yeah. Thankfully no one ever mentioned it so, either everyone is just really really bloody nice, or no one noticed. so phew?

I always feel very grateful and an immense amount of love for people who dont mind my sweaty palms. Because its one of my insecurities I guess, so when people dont mind, it just means so much to me. I remember back in buddhist camp we had to sit in a huge circle and hold hands and pray together. omigosh, as soon as i heard hold hands, i started to panic. So, my palms started to sweat on cue. YUP, WITHOUT FAIL. so we sat down, there was a guy to my right and a girl to my right. Didnt know them, but okay. No choice. We had to close our eyes and just listen to the music/person talking in the middle. and my sweat glands were going crazy WOOOOO! and i felt SOOOO bad. the guy on the right would let go at times to wipe his hands and i just felt soooo shitty and like NUUUOOOH IM SORRY. IM NOT GROSS I SWEAR TT at the end of the session, I turned to him and apologised. but he said,

'wha.. no no! I thought it was me!'

Ah, fellow sweaty palm-er. I understand. Then i turned to the girl next to me and apologised as well, but she said she didnt mind. (: so that was so sweet. And then I remember the first time I held hands with a boy. I was linking arms with him, you see, cause i didnt want him to think im gross TT IM NOT GROSS I SWEAR!! but then halfway through the movie he held my hands and didnt let go. So, even though things were meh after that, i'll always be grateful for that. Cause he didnt mind. (: also, he thought i was pretty when i was butt ugly at the time, so. There's also always that. HAHAHAHAHA

And then in university, during one of the trips, karn has this game he likes to play called 'telephone' that requires everyone to hold hands. Again, I really, REALLY dont like that game HAHAHAHA but everyone wanted to play so i didnt wanna be left out and be a loner at the side, so fine. I convinced myself that THEY'RE MY FRIENDS AND THEY WONT MIND, THEY KNOW IM NOT GROSS cause IM NOT GROSS I SWEAR. D: and everyone was really really sweet (: (copy paste from a blogpost i posted on another website, OH ANOTHER WEBSITE, yeah thats right)

'basically my palms sweat la, and i was sitting next to shonlee and suet fong so they BOTH kena-ed TT sweaty palms attack!!

and i constantly had to wipe my hands down on my jeans cause it was BAAAD but they didnt say anything (but they wiped their hands down on their jeans too) so yeaaaah, i felt bad la but i think they understood as well la, like ive told suet about my sweaty palms before. then suddenly, all the other people (in the circle, there were 7 of us, so the other 4 la) like started wiping their hands on their jeans too HAHAHAHA to like teman us kinda thing, so that i wouldnt feel so bad about myself? it was SO SWEEEET like they were being so bloody casual about it like all 'eh why everyone do that, lets do that too' HAHHAA so sweet la and i just felt like daaaaww (: felt better

the other time i played this game was when we were travelling back from lake district and the people next to me were sheun yeow and su ean, and su ean was really nice about it as well, she asked me if i had sweaty palms and im like YEAAAAHH TT and shes like its okay and she said she knew people with the same problem, and karn was like I HAVE SWEATY PALMS TOO! and we high fived DAHAHAHAHA damn funny and sheun NEVER wiped his hands, so i thought that was REALLY sweet, like he didnt wanna hurt my feelings or something, but i clearly wouldnt have minded but i thought it was sweet still. and he'd keep squeezing my hands too for fun so i felt less gross like OKAY, so he doesnt mind so much (:

Basically. So that for me, was one of the sweetest things my uni friends have ever done for me. HAHAHA committed in my memory foreveeerrr!! (: But yeah, long story short, IM NOT GROSS.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And, Karn actually likes my sweaty palms. So. I think my sweaty palms have found its soul mate. :D In all seriousness though, sweaty palms make your palms soft so ITS NOT ALL THAT BAD? :D So karn and karen both says. (differ only by an E!) on another random note, i wonder if the sweaty palm trait is dominant, cause if it is, my kids arent going to stand a chance! D: SORRY KIDS, BUT ITS OKAY, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE LOVELY SOFT HANDS? D: and FIND WONDERFUL FRIENDS?

and dont worry, MUMMY KNOWS YOU'RE NOT GROSS. TT

alright, long post done. Procrastination bug, GO AWAAAAY! back to work!

March along!!

x

Keepsakes

- Saturday, April 14, 2012

I was about to blog about something else, but I scrolled through some of the screen captures I took in the past few years (2009-2010) and these just made me smile and laugh. Always the same few culprits, but man, do I love you guys, so so much (: