Child's Play

I've had Keratosis Pilaris from as young as i can remember. Wasn't born with it, but I think I got it sometime when I was still in primary school. These little skin coloured bumps just appeared around my tummy area one day and I didn't know what it was. They didn't itch or anything, they were just THERE. I remember running up to my mom when she got home and showing it to her and asking her what it was. First reaction was a little bit of surprise and 'i don't know, go ask your father.' So i ran to where my daddy was and asked him, and he didnt know either. So, since it didnt itch or anything, we just left it for a few days in hopes that it would go away. But then it didnt. So i remember going to the doctors and asking the doctor about it. I dont remember clearly anymore because it was so long ago, but i remember him saying that there was nothing we could do about it and it had something to do with my sweat glands... so that was that. I went home, i made my peace with it. Ugly tummy skin, okay. okay. okay. Somehow, even when i was a kid, it did matter, but i didnt really let it bother me because, hey, no one is going to know anyway right? and hopefully it goes away, right?

So many years passed. And it stayed. Ive only told a couple people about it before, because i've always felt self conscious about it, so its not like I go around showing people HEY LOOK, TINY BUMPS INNIT AWESOME. yeah, no. Not awesome. But I did show a couple of friends, I guess in some way, trying to comfort myself with ITS NOT THAT HORRIBLE through seeing the reactions of people. I've gotten a few, 'how come like that one?', 'Its not so bad, I cant really see it unless I look closely', so its not that bad I guess. But it did make me feel like a weirdo because I didnt know anyone else who has the condition, but hey, never mind. And then one day I went somewhere with a couple of friends and i saw that a friend of mine had it too! TT For the first time, I felt like I was not alone, its sad that he had it as well, but it also consoled me a little bit. And then another friend saw and made the comment that he's dirty and didn't shower D: So that deflated my self esteem a little bit and I tried to defend him with 'I dont think cleanliness has anything to do with it' but at the same time, I wasnt going to offer myself up and say I had it too. Cause it made me feel kind of dirty and gross then ):

But again, never mind. I made my peace with it. And I figured, anyone who likes me is going to like me for me right? This shouldn't matter right? And its not SO BAD. But then recently, its been getting worse. Ive been getting more spots and its even spread to my arm and its freaking me out. So I googled it (not that i never googled it before, but last time, i.e. many years ago, it didnt pull up any results) and the words Keratosis Pilaris came up. And I was like, THATS IT. THATS WHAT I HAVE. WHAT I HAVE, HAS A NAME. And a lot of sources said that there is no cure. You may grow out of it and that 1 out of 4 people in the world has it and that it is hereditary. No, nothing to do with cleanliness, its just your body producing too much keratin. OH YOU BODY, YOU. WHY YOU SO EFFICIENT EH!?!? =.= But basically. It was depressing to see the words NO CURE, but at the same time, again, comforting to know, NOT ALONE. NOT MY FAULT. I came across this website that sells Kerafree, which is apparently this lotion thats supposed to cure this, but Ive read reviews and its pretty mixed. Some says its been making the condition worse, some says it helps, i dont know. Also, its very pricey, so ive decided i dont want to take the risk, considering the price and the mixed reviews. So never mind.

But, upon more googling, I found this video,

I dont know if you watched it but basically the girl says she uses this cleansing scrub and moisturizes and it cures her skin! :D So I bought the scrub online and have been using it. The ones of my arm are not as bad anymore though the ones around my tummy area are still there, but hopefully they'll go away with time. (: But just in case anyone else out there has it as well, hopefully this can help you as well, or you could alternatively always try Kerafree, link here, its 40pounds (: It was so nice to read the comments on the youtube video that it made me laugh and kind of want to cry, because those people suffer the same condition and everything they say resonates with me and how I've always felt. Its so nice to feel like you're not alone. And im so glad I've found someone who cares for me and doesn't give a shit about this KERATOSIS PILARIS and doesn't allow me to call it ALIEN SKIN, although i still always do. :O Thank you, boy

Alright, for all you people out there who have keratosis pilaris aka chicken skin (I had no idea they called it that), #icanrelate. And its not the worst thing in the world (: Its okay. *patpat* For all those of you who don't, GOOD FOR YOU and please dont make mean comments about it D: It really eats into someones self esteem and thats not very nice. People should always, ALWAYS watch what they say. Because a offhanded comment does still really hurt. But anyway.

x Back to studying (:

I wish there wasn't so much I had to think about. You put your faith in people and you expect them to deliver. But this is the real world, people have their self interests at heart, its about time you learned. But im still that very same girl, the one who got her milk stolen from the fridge but opened and closed the fridge over and over again, in disbelief. Hoping the next time she opened the fridge, that bottle of milk would be there. Ah, my bad, I just missed it, you were sitting there all along, no one took you. But to no avail. 

When will you learn? 

Perhaps its time to accept the truth of it, people are fundamentally selfish, heck. Im selfish too, i know. I admit it. But when im counting on someone, and i know someone is counting on me, i do my best. And it is human nature to expect reciprocity, else we just sit at one corner, pouting, feeling upset. You get what you give, so give good, right? Or is it not? The more you take the more you gain? Give sparingly? At a loss for words. I hate it when people let me down. Oh, who does? I hate it when i start losing faith in people, when in my mind i start painting bad images and seeing people in a negative light. But its hard, 

 

People like you and me, its sad isn't it? You told me, that's life. That's just what happens, I had to learn it the hard way too. Next time just be wary. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. It would be so much easier if everyone was just nice and you wouldn't feel like a fool to place your trust in people. Its so hard isn't it? Sometimes it feels as though you can't trust anyone but yourself. People let you down. Is it worth it? 

On a brighter note, conversation with my sister today, 

"Hahahaa ooh so unfair, I thought I was cool" 

"Ohohohohoho Sorry to break it to you, but I'm cooler." 

 "Im like a snowman. You're just a spec of snowflake that forms the whole of me." 

:D HAHAHAHAHAHA Im so lame but I make myself laugh. Oh my. 

Back to readings (: 

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