Child's Play

1. Relearn to drive (I'm thinking crash course with dad every evening after work from the time i get home till work starts! crossies!)
2. Continue to volunteer, perhaps be involved in events (: that would be very, very nice.
3. Take up belly dancing D: wanted to do this for years now. (haha brenda, i still remember that postcard i sent you XD)

Okay, until I think of more, this will be it. Im not very good at making goals and resolutions. If you all recall, every year my new years resolution is TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION. but, yeah, i think this is an improvement? a little bit more realistic this time, dont you think?

o wow. this girl has grown?

C:

x

Having sweaty palms is such a pain. And its not that there's anything you can do about it (actually no, I've read somewhere before about some treatment where you put your hands in water and they pass current or something in the water that will somehow make the sweat glands not secrete as much or something? but I don't think its a very well known thing and i dont know where to get that done and if it will even work so im gonna factor this out). Different people have different degrees of severity of this condition, I think I have it pretty bad, but maybe im just biased.

I wouldn't mind it if it didnt affect everyday functions. But it does. Its horrible when you meet people for the first time, cause it gives off such a bad impression. Its like, sure enough, you're nervous, so fine, that makes your palm sweat. and then worrying about your sweaty palms gets them going even more. GOOD JOB SWEAT GLANDS. D: I swear, thinking about sweaty palms alone makes them sweat, I can just sit there and stare at my palms, and they'll start to sweat. Its horrible. So honestly, honestly, its one of the things im self conscious about, and i never start off holding someones hands and when i meet new people, i pray that they wont want to shake hands because Im afraid they'll think im gross ): IM NOT GROSS I SWEAR.

And its worse cause it affects your performance during exam periods as well. The paper starts getting soggy and wet, and especially if its an essay you have to write, its horrible. The ink starts going funky (so now I only ever use ball pens cause they're not as affected), you're afraid the paper will tear, and if you're using pencil, HAHAHHAHAA - Dont even think about it. Its not going to work. So yeah. I remember back in primary school when using pencils were compulsory I used to wrap my hand up in a handkerchief (when my sweaty palms were really bad) so that I could do the paper just fine, it wasnt the easiest to write with a stupid handkerchief in the way, but it worked out alright i guess. And even now, when i make cards or write on cards, I think i get a bit anxious because I want it to be perfect, so i always put another paper between my hand and the card so that i wont smudge anything or sweat onto it. ITS SUCH A PAIN.

And then theres the sweaty trail that you leave everywhereeee. When your sweat dries up and everything you touch just looks dirty ): its sad, really. I remember last month I had to bring my lappie to school to work on the marketing project with my group, and every time before i left the house i would have to wipe the keyboard and the mouse cause the sweat stains are HORRIBLE. D: and i just feel super embarrassed about it, again, IM NOT GROSS I SWEAR TT Karn told me that he uses a keyboard protector, but I cant be bothered so. D: usually i just have my lappie at home anyway and no one uses it but me so its alright.

I remember once in first year, a few friends came over to my room and one of them wanted to use my comp to look something up, and in my head i was just screaming NUUUOOOOHHH, cause i didnt have time to wipe my keyboard and IM NOT GROSS I SWEAR D: but i couldnt exactly go, DONT LOOK AT MY COMPUTER LET ME HELP YOU WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT TO FIND HUH!?!?!?!? so yeah. Thankfully no one ever mentioned it so, either everyone is just really really bloody nice, or no one noticed. so phew?

I always feel very grateful and an immense amount of love for people who dont mind my sweaty palms. Because its one of my insecurities I guess, so when people dont mind, it just means so much to me. I remember back in buddhist camp we had to sit in a huge circle and hold hands and pray together. omigosh, as soon as i heard hold hands, i started to panic. So, my palms started to sweat on cue. YUP, WITHOUT FAIL. so we sat down, there was a guy to my right and a girl to my right. Didnt know them, but okay. No choice. We had to close our eyes and just listen to the music/person talking in the middle. and my sweat glands were going crazy WOOOOO! and i felt SOOOO bad. the guy on the right would let go at times to wipe his hands and i just felt soooo shitty and like NUUUOOOH IM SORRY. IM NOT GROSS I SWEAR TT at the end of the session, I turned to him and apologised. but he said,

And then in university, during one of the trips, karn has this game he likes to play called 'telephone' that requires everyone to hold hands. Again, I really, REALLY dont like that game HAHAHAHA but everyone wanted to play so i didnt wanna be left out and be a loner at the side, so fine. I convinced myself that THEY'RE MY FRIENDS AND THEY WONT MIND, THEY KNOW IM NOT GROSS cause IM NOT GROSS I SWEAR. D: and everyone was really really sweet (: (copy paste from a blogpost i posted on another website, OH ANOTHER WEBSITE, yeah thats right)

'basically my palms sweat la, and i was sitting next to shonlee and suet fong so they BOTH kena-ed TT sweaty palms attack!!

and i constantly had to wipe my hands down on my jeans cause it was BAAAD but they didnt say anything (but they wiped their hands down on their jeans too) so yeaaaah, i felt bad la but i think they understood as well la, like ive told suet about my sweaty palms before. then suddenly, all the other people (in the circle, there were 7 of us, so the other 4 la) like started wiping their hands on their jeans too HAHAHAHA to like teman us kinda thing, so that i wouldnt feel so bad about myself? it was SO SWEEEET like they were being so bloody casual about it like all 'eh why everyone do that, lets do that too' HAHHAA so sweet la and i just felt like daaaaww (: felt better

the other time i played this game was when we were travelling back from lake district and the people next to me were sheun yeow and su ean, and su ean was really nice about it as well, she asked me if i had sweaty palms and im like YEAAAAHH TT and shes like its okay and she said she knew people with the same problem, and karn was like I HAVE SWEATY PALMS TOO! and we high fived DAHAHAHAHA damn funny and sheun NEVER wiped his hands, so i thought that was REALLY sweet, like he didnt wanna hurt my feelings or something, but i clearly wouldnt have minded but i thought it was sweet still. and he'd keep squeezing my hands too for fun so i felt less gross like OKAY, so he doesnt mind so much (:

Basically. So that for me, was one of the sweetest things my uni friends have ever done for me. HAHAHA committed in my memory foreveeerrr!! (: But yeah, long story short, IM NOT GROSS.

I was about to blog about something else, but I scrolled through some of the screen captures I took in the past few years (2009-2010) and these just made me smile and laugh. Always the same few culprits, but man, do I love you guys, so so much (:

So I woke up early this morning to study, got really really sleepy about one hour in, so took a 15 minute nap and had one of the scariest dreams in my life. :O

As I was falling into sleep, 50 pence coins flashed in my mind, they came into view slowly, one at a time, only it wasnt a normal 50p coin, it had dates inscribed on it, and some other details, but all I managed to notice before another 50p coin came into view was the year, that the year inscribed on each coin was different. It was like 1860, 1870 and so on. So okay, COINS. weird, but okay. COINS. what's up with that right?

Suddenly, this white guy on a wooden stool came into view, and a lady pulling up his sleeve to inject him with something. We were in a small room, it was kind of old, he had really ugly hair. It was all gelled down and flat and he looked kinda geeky. And then there was a voice in my head, sort of like, when you're watching a movie and you're hearing that person's thoughts, so it was as if I was reading this persons thoughts and looking through her eyes, seeing what shes seeing. And she was telling me that the guy over there on the stool was her boyfriend. And she was gushing about how good looking he was, and she said that the lady was her mother, and her mother was a nurse. I could see a line of people outside the doorway, waiting to come in to get the same injection. It was really weird. Then the girl was saying things like, how she hates the place, and she cant wait to get out of there and so on and so forth, and i could really feel her disdain and it was really creepy. She sounded a bit like a psychopath, like she was thinking of doing something crazy, and it was only a matter of time.

Then at some point, a man motioned for her and her mom and the guy to take a photo together. We (cause in the girls POV right), stood in front of a window and smiled for the camera. Then I started to walk away, I could see them smiling at me, my "mother" and "boyfriend", and I was getting so freaked out. like wtf. Then I/she, started screaming and shouting and screaming and shouting, until I woke up.

Its frighteningly easy to get petty about things. It can settle down in a corner of your mind and then eat away at your brain, and as it feeds, it grows and grows, and grows into that something ugly you wish never existed, and somehow, when you think back on it all, you don't understand how things got that bad, how something small transformed and evolved into something that big of a deal.

Cause really, when you think about it, really really, think about it, what started it all was a pretty trivial thing. It was something you could have shrugged away and forgave, but at that moment, at that point in time, you chose not to. And so it festered. And you think about it now, and you know that its nothing, you KNOW that it is nothing, but it has consumed so much of your time and effort and so much energy went into it that you just cant seem to let it go. No. Its not just about that little thing anymore, its about so much more.

So I plan out my days the night (or two nights) before, I write out my schedule and squeeze everything in. And its pretty hardcore, cause you know, Im hardcore like that, and I believe that future limay will be able to do whatever it takes to complete everything on time.

What i fail to realize is that future limay, (now present), always wakes up in the morning with this face on,

So during the summer last year, Karn visited Malaysia, and so that was a great opportunity for me to discover Penang HAHAHAH like I've never before. Its odd, isn't it? That we are always so eager to visit other countries and see all the sights, but really, I pretty much know nothing about my own. But anyway, so a bunch of us headed up to the famous temple and CAMWHORED,