Child's Play

Like that kid at the fair, staring at the carousel, going round and round, round and round. The lights, the music, the beautiful characters coming to life, and you're just there, watching, wondering, wishing - I want to be part of that magic. And you see those other kids getting on, you hear their laughter, see the smiles on their faces, and you just think to yourself - how nice would that be?

So you tug on your mothers sleeve, and you beg and beg, 'Mummy, can i go ride on that carousel? pretty pretty please?' And your mom tells you, 'no child, its a waste of money, its a waste of time.' But you see the smiles, you hear the laughter, you feel the air of happiness all around and you think to yourself, how can that be a lie? But mummy said no, so you just stand at the bars watching as the other kids get on and off, on and off and you stand there daydreaming - when will it be my turn?

And so you wait. Every time you go by the fair, you tug on your mummy's sleeve again, 'Mummy, this time please?' and after the umpteenth time, your mother lets up, she hands you the money, you wait in line. So this is you, finally being able to be part of that once unattainable dream. You get on the carousel, finally, finally, finally. It comes to life. And you smile, you laugh, you're finally part of that magic like you always wanted. And all around you, its a blur, just lights. Lights so bright, its blinding.

The carousel spins faster and faster. You struggle to hold on. Suddenly its not so fun anymore. You look at the other kids, they all look back at you, no one is smiling. Where is the laughter? where are the smiles? Where have they all gone? But the music goes on. You shut your eyes. What is happening? What happened to that magic?

Everyone is screaming now. Top of their lungs. You hang on tight. Don't throw me off. I trust in you, I trust in your magic. And then you silently pray. I should have listened to those warnings, I should have listened to my mother. Waste of money, waste of time. What have I gotten myself into now?

So I went for the Oliver Wyman assessment test today, awesome office building btw. Karen told me it was WOW, so I was walking and looking for the place, when i saw the building, i just knew that was it. Cause really, no other way to describe it other than WOW. Naaaaais :p so went in, took the lift up, met a fellow LSE student in the lift, small chit chat, then went to sign in and sat around waiting for time to go sit for the test.

Everyone was unusually quiet, it was odd. I guess there was just no one who took the initiative to break the ice. When i sat down, everyone was pretty much doing their own thing. reading the papers, staring into thin air, so i took out my bb and started whatsapp-ing karen. There was this one guy who was just sitting there all zen, with his eyes closed. Looked like he was meditating. Then there was this other guy who seemed to be watching EVERYONE ELSE like a hawk. Just intense gaze, really really intense gaze. Hahahaha It was SO WEIRD, i just sat there trying to control myself and not giggle, but it was really really hard.

So i told karen,

It had been a long day with very little sleep the night before so I felt oily, tired, dirty and just plain well - unattractive. And then some random stranger tried to pick me up on the train.

Anyway, on the second week of the ML Summer Wealth Program, on a tuesday (was it? i think so), we had this event for underprivileged kids, and basically, on the day before the event, there was this list pasted in front of the classroom of the name of the child you were going to be paired with. Some people were paired up and some people were just on their own. I was one of those ON THEIR OWN people, and i was a little bit worried. Like, was i not paired up with anyone because my kid is gonna be so young that she/he is going to be really easy to take care of? or is it that the kid im paired with is really old so supposedly she/he can take care of her/himself and i just have to watch?

I basically didnt want to end up with an older kid because i do think that younger kids are easier to work with. They listen to you and are just generally easier yeah. but anyway, come what may. Nothing i can do about it right? (: i was there in front of the board going HAFIZAH HAFIZAH HAFIZAH and we were all trying to say our kids names as fast as we could, cause we're all doof's like that (; anyway, so the next day came, and we were split into 4 groups, each group is in charge of a station. there was the nachos station, the hamburger station, the cupcakes station and the drinks station. and we were all in competition to see which station could best please the kids (:

Anyway, yadi yada, the kids arrived, big welcome, they went in to get their food, came out and yeah. Basically my girl, Hafizah was one of the older kids, she was already 11 and she came with a gang. HAHAA there was her and another 2 girls, one of the other girls we came to call, GANG LEADER. because seriously, she was damn power, shouting here shouting there. haha they spoke in BM at the beginning, cause they didnt think we understood and the gang leader was shouting things like BODOH!! and everything to her friends, she was just LOUD. and my friend who was in charge of gangleader was like. HOLY. im so dead. cause she doesnt even like kids HAHAHHAA i felt so bad for her. my girl was shouting a bit as well, but i could tell it was because of influence and that she really was actually a shy girl HAHAHA so yeah, we were in this together!

Gangleader was quite mean at the beginning, kept shouting at my friend like she was a maid. 'PUT THIS ON THE TABLE. I DONT WANT THIS. TAKE IT FOR ME NOW.' and then i pulled my friend aside and i told her,

I know how its like to go to visit a blog a few times everyday and then get disappointed when its the same post staring right back at you, just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day BEFORE that, and.. you get it. So i try to update as often as i can (haha, which is not that often BUT I DO TRY I SWEAR), anyway, back to back papers coming up so wont be blogging for a week or so, but yeah, watch these videos (:

So the other day i was making my way to school and the sun was out and honestly, even in this weather, where its cold most of the time, i really still do not appreciate the sun. Hahahaha, its worse here because you don't quite feel the heat, so you don't know it but in reality, you're totally getting super tanned!! NUUUUOOOOOHHHH!!!! i remember last summer i went out with the floormates and sat around in the park for fun, came back an hour or two later and got darker.

So the paper today wasn't great. At least i had shit to write down, so hopefully i did okay *crossies!!* Was pretty tough and im not sure if i answered the questions correctly but again, HOPEFULLY! *crossies* won't know until results come out, but yeah. (: Time to MOVE ON!!

We didn’t have long talks. Heck, half the time we spent, not talking, but working in the presence of each other. The occasional joke, groans of frustration which eventually led to laughter. My positivity and yours meshed together so well, and even with just the silence, you may have known me better than a lot of other people. No facades, no niceties. You had to put up with my one word replies when I wasn’t in the mood for conversation, my swearing while watching grey’s anatomy (the one with the shooter), my rants when I felt like it. It was nice how things were so easy, so comfortable so fast. But all good things come to an end, and we parted ways without a proper goodbye even. Cause it was easier, for me anyway. Occasionally I think back upon those times, and it makes me laugh. You are really some kind of wonderful, and I’m thankful that you were a part of my life, however short that period was. (:

So the other day I was home and the landlord was due to make a visit. He didn't tell me beforehand what time he would be coming, so i thought he'd give me a call before he stopped by. He didnt, but that's alright. I let him and his father in, we said hi, exchanged a few words here and there, then i left them to deal with the problems while i went back to the room to study.

So there i was, happily reading when suddenly, SUDDENLY i remembered that i had put white gunk on my face and because i thought he'd call before he came, i thought i would be able to remove it but he pulled a surprise attack (yes, i shall hereby call it an attack) on me and and, I FORGOT and and.

Thank you for being so understanding. You are truly amazing. Im so glad i found a friend in you. Thanks for making this decision easy on me and just, (: seriously, just thank you so much, for being the person that you are.

made some plain ones, made some with chocolate chips, and sister experimented throwing blueberries in as well, which turned out pretty awesome :D Using this to make cupcakes sorta makes me feel like im making kaya balls! I COULD probably make kaya balls with this actually, just no kaya. TT

Anyway, like i linked in the sidebar, THIS IS WHERE I GOT THE QUICK MINI CUPCAKE MAKER! :D CLICK HERE. OR HERE. OR HERE. OR THERE.

So you ALL know i love to bake cupcakes right,

Agreed to meet EuChern at Russell Square tube station at 7.00pm yesterday,

7.00pm
Reach Russell Square tube station, station super crowded. Waited across the street so that I would be able to spot him when he come out and he would be able to spot me.

7.05pm
Still waiting. Uhhuh. Aiya, Malaysians, you know laaaah

7.10pm
O.O EuChern?! where forth art thou?

7.13pm
texted him, 'hey im waiting for you across the street yeah? (:'

EuChern calls.


so apparently we were both waiting at the different side of the street for about 15 mins HAHAHA He was hidden by the hot dog stand or something (newspaper stand? im not sure) and his contacts were dry so he couldnt see properly and recognized the wrong person at first, damn funny (:

sorry that i havent been blogging for awhile, my imaginary readers :D!! Probably wont be updating this blog with anything of substance anytime soon. Exams coming up next month!! horror!! Been struggling with studies, finding it very hard to focus. sigh! I want to hit myself!

French military jets are preventing forces loyal to Libyan leader Col Muammar Gaddafi from attacking the rebel-held city of Benghazi, French President Nicolas Sarkozy says.

US President Barack Obama has said Libyan government forces must end their offensive against rebel-held towns and pull back - or face military action.

There are times when im about to cross the road, and there's this junction with no traffic lights or zebra crossing so i have to look carefully both ways before i make my move - too young to die, too young to die, too young to die - and sometimes there's a car that is at the junction, about to turn in, so i pause and wait for the car to go, but the driver smiles and motions for me to cross instead.

There are times when im walking towards a building, and there's a person walking right behind me and that person purposely walks that little bit faster than me as we arrive at the door just so he/she can hold the door open for me. And other times when im entering the building and there's someone else at the other side of the door and they hold the door open for me and lets me enter first. And times when a class has just ended and everyone's rushing out, but i have to go through the door to get to my class, and while everyone rushes by and i wait, someone from the bunch pauses, holds the door and motions for me to go in first. And times when there's someone walking in front of me, and we're both exiting the building, that person holds the door open for me.

There are times when the underground tube or an elevator is so so packed and i just cant seem to enter it because everyone's squished like sardines and there is just no space! But someone sees me standing there and purposely makes space for me and motions for me to enter.

There are times where im standing in line to pay for an item, and there's another person who is queuing in front of me, and the person tells me to go ahead of them and pay first.

News of my favorite boy (:

let me say this.

When i get annoyed and pissed off. you can be pretty damned sure that i have a GOOD REASON to be so. I am NOT unreasonable. In fact, I usually try to suppress these feelings and not think too much about it, label it unfinished business and all that (as previous post stated). So yes, that's what i do. I close it all off and i try to be ZEN. but sometimes i can't. And sometimes i just want to talk to someone and let it out. And you should know by now that I am very reasonable, and whatever you're hearing at the moment

You know how sometimes someone makes a jellybean of a comment and at the time, you just go along with it, and maybe it even seems a little bit funny at the time, so you laugh and you brush it off, oh look NEXT TOPIC, jump on that train! and you chug along as the conversation goes on, but at the end of the day, after the laughter dies down and you're walking home in the dark of the night and the quiet slowly gets to you,

you replay the conversation in your head, smiling like a goofball at yourself and then suddenly something clicks and your brain goes, HEY, WAITTAMINUTE, that can't be right! Rewind, replay. Frown lines start to form. WAAAAAITTAMINUTE and in your head sirens are going off, I RESENT THAT!!

Okay, i know i havent been blogging in awhile and im a bit late but,